Mother’s Day Blues
Mother’s Day…
As a woman with no child and who has been yearning for one for a very long time, Mother’s Day is a day that sometimes makes me feel small and incomplete.
A few years ago, my soon to be ex-husband (separated for 2 years) shouted at me, “You will never be a mother or fit to be a mother.”
There were a few times when I had vivid dreams of holding my baby. It felt so real. I could feel the baby’s skin. Holding and hugging him/her… and when the dream slowly faded away, I would try so hard to hold on to it, trying to “catch” that baby in my dream. But then I would wake up to the reality of an empty bed and a toxic marriage.
I just wanted to let this out because I have never shared these feelings with anyone before, not even with myself. It has been bottled up for so long.
In my late 30s, in the middle of a complicated divorce where the husband keeps prolonging this, I don’t know when I will finally be divorced, or when I will meet the right person to move on and build a family with. But I also know better now. I don’t want to rush into finding someone just because I want a baby. I do not want to repeat the same mistake though I have mini crush on my neighbour 😅
And if one day I am blessed with a partner who is truly kind and compatible with me, I will go and “fetch” my baby(ies). They have been waiting for me for far too long.
But for now, I will get up and wear pretty clothes, put on makeup, go to a nice cafe for breakfast, and love myself. Because today is also a day to celebrate women and men who carry a motherly role in the lives of others.
Happy Mother’s Day to all Mother figures ❤
As a woman with no child and who has been yearning for one for a very long time, Mother’s Day is a day that sometimes makes me feel small and incomplete.
A few years ago, my soon to be ex-husband (separated for 2 years) shouted at me, “You will never be a mother or fit to be a mother.”
There were a few times when I had vivid dreams of holding my baby. It felt so real. I could feel the baby’s skin. Holding and hugging him/her… and when the dream slowly faded away, I would try so hard to hold on to it, trying to “catch” that baby in my dream. But then I would wake up to the reality of an empty bed and a toxic marriage.
I just wanted to let this out because I have never shared these feelings with anyone before, not even with myself. It has been bottled up for so long.
In my late 30s, in the middle of a complicated divorce where the husband keeps prolonging this, I don’t know when I will finally be divorced, or when I will meet the right person to move on and build a family with. But I also know better now. I don’t want to rush into finding someone just because I want a baby. I do not want to repeat the same mistake though I have mini crush on my neighbour 😅
And if one day I am blessed with a partner who is truly kind and compatible with me, I will go and “fetch” my baby(ies). They have been waiting for me for far too long.
But for now, I will get up and wear pretty clothes, put on makeup, go to a nice cafe for breakfast, and love myself. Because today is also a day to celebrate women and men who carry a motherly role in the lives of others.
Happy Mother’s Day to all Mother figures ❤
