I just never expected this
My dad recently seemed weak , for nearly two weeks in his nursing home...he would keep saying I'm ok. And one day I went in, he could barely drink or eat, and barely speak. It was alarming. I called 911 and he actually had a lung infection. But the worst part is during that CAT scan upon arriving at the ER, they found enlarged lymph nodes throughout his body.
A week later, they found that it was Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma, a type of blood cancer. We just learned today he has the aggressive type, and that he could do chemo but it will probably make him worse, and deteriorate, because his immune system so low. So we may go the route of no treatment. I'm finding out tomorrow. It's just all so sudden. I was never too close with him, he'd defend my SADISTIC mother for years, and it was a huge betrayal to me. To not care about what I constantly suffered under her.
But, at least he was better than her. We could talk occasionally about the news, or my life. We binged shows together. And it's in those times that trigger me to be very helpless. You wonder why life has to be this way. That so many will or have developed Cancer. Or are killed as a kid, or abused endlessly as I was, with a shell of a person as their life.
It's s difficult thinking of him suffering, or worse. I hate anyone suffering. And despite that he was a selfish, mean parent, I would miss the occasional laugh we had, and the shows we watched. I love my dad still. I really wish there was an explanation why disease or death exists. If God were omniscient, then there'd be no reason for them.
I'm just conflicted and mad and sad.
A week later, they found that it was Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma, a type of blood cancer. We just learned today he has the aggressive type, and that he could do chemo but it will probably make him worse, and deteriorate, because his immune system so low. So we may go the route of no treatment. I'm finding out tomorrow. It's just all so sudden. I was never too close with him, he'd defend my SADISTIC mother for years, and it was a huge betrayal to me. To not care about what I constantly suffered under her.
But, at least he was better than her. We could talk occasionally about the news, or my life. We binged shows together. And it's in those times that trigger me to be very helpless. You wonder why life has to be this way. That so many will or have developed Cancer. Or are killed as a kid, or abused endlessly as I was, with a shell of a person as their life.
It's s difficult thinking of him suffering, or worse. I hate anyone suffering. And despite that he was a selfish, mean parent, I would miss the occasional laugh we had, and the shows we watched. I love my dad still. I really wish there was an explanation why disease or death exists. If God were omniscient, then there'd be no reason for them.
I'm just conflicted and mad and sad.
