So over everything

Im a stay at home mom. I homeschool my two teenagers. A husband that’s practically a stranger honestly we are so different now and I’m not even sure we know each other anymore. But really who am I kidding.. I’m not even sure I know who I am anymore. Appointments several times a week and driving around to extracurricular activities. And I suddenly feel like I’m going through some sort of midlife crisis lol. Is that possible for a 36 year old woman? Because it sure feels like it. I really need to figure out what I need. I guess now that my kids are almost grown it just has me questioning who I am besides “mom”. I don’t know the answer to that.

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Docdon23 · M

yes, this is very common actually! Kids and all--and something else. I just learned all about this. We fall in romantic love, attracted and juicy and hot...then things happen and time passes, and we enter into a period called a power struggle, when we have needs to be met and expect our partner to meet them and they usually can't, and we struggle. Then if we do the work, and it is complicated and difficult but worth it, we can enter into true love. But it takes conscious effort and guidance.

tiltawhirl · 36-40, F

@Docdon23 I’ve been with my husband for 15 years. I believe we’ve hit true love some time ago and now we’ve crashed into a wall.

Docdon23 · M

@tiltawhirl that can also happen--i was at a workshop two weeks ago about this and with a couple who crashed after 30 years--there are skills to learn that can help you.

BamPow · 51-55, M

I’m not a fan of the term “mid life crisis” just because it implies some sort of inherent timeframe and an inevitability. We can go through crises at any time and for many reasons. It sounds like you’re overwhelmed and somewhat isolated. Have you expressed these concerns and frustrations to your husband? If you haven’t, you should give him a chance to hear you out and respond.

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BamPow · 51-55, M

@tiltawhirl When you feel like you’re drowning, it’s easy to think “can’t he or she see that I’m drowning over here?” It’s quite possible that he’s also struggling in some way that you can’t see. If you’ve been together as long as it sounds, there had to be a time when you were in sync with each other. If you reach out to him, he might surprise you by letting you know that he’s feeling the disconnect, too. Relationships have ebbs and flows, and if you’re with someone long enough, you’ll hit a low tide. It would probably be unusual if you didn’t.

tiltawhirl · 36-40, F

@BamPow you’re correct. I know he feels disconnected as well and is going through things too. I can tell. But really I’m not sure I want to reconnect. I don’t feel like I want to. We don’t dislike each other or fight much or anything like that. There’s just zero spark there. So little spark that I have no interest in creating it

BamPow · 51-55, M

@tiltawhirl Unfortunately, that’s a conversation you’ll need to have with him eventually, because if you’ve decided you’re done, he should know that so that you both can plan and proceed accordingly.

Wiseacre · F

Yep, it’s a sad fact for married women with children. I suggest u take a break and go somewhere alone to figure out what u want to do the rest of ur life.