A new chapter in my history

At the end of November or early December 2024, I met a girl from a dating app. We met up and talked, and from the beginning, we were both clear that our intention in getting to know each other was for marriage. We shared our thoughts about marriage and everything surrounding it. At the end of December, I found out something really shocking about her. It hurt my heart — literally. I was so confused at that moment, not knowing what to do or what to even think. Right then, I started watching YouTube videos from experts talking about that kind of situation. I couldn’t sleep at all that night, not even for a minute. For some reason, what popped into my head during that sleepless night was: I need to marry her. I don’t know why that was the conclusion I came to, but it was. That morning, we met and talked about everything. She stayed with me — I cried. We continued seeing each other after that, still discussing it. My heart felt heavy. It was the first time I ever went to see a psychologist for counseling. I tried to stay strong and continue the relationship with her. At the end of January, I went to her hometown to meet her parents and told them about my intention to marry her. February and March passed — sometimes we’d go out together. My heart still felt heavy, but better than it was in those first few days. In April, my parents and I went to her house — I got engaged to her. December, January, February, March… You could say that within just two months of knowing each other, I made the decision to marry a complete stranger I met on a dating app. It’s so not like me. What were you thinking? (talking to myself) Now it’s April — well, actually, it’s already the end of May. We live in different cities now, doing long-distance. We argue a lot over chat and calls. but of course we also have fun and happy moments. Doubts are starting to creep in, fear too. That heavy feeling in my chest is coming back. I keep wondering, Can I really survive in this relationship? Even now, that feeling is still here. I’ve been studying different ways of thinking and acting to help me deal with what I’m going through. Just a few more months until our wedding day.

Hey, you — yes, you. If you’re reading this, what do you think? What kind of future is waiting for us? The future is the future... but what should I be doing right now?