I don't know if my parents ever meant to hurt me or not.

I remember being constantly fearful of my dad's anger or disapproval but anything further or more specific than that may be mixed up in emotions or obscured by time.

I know that I was told in my adult life by a professional that my symptoms qualify me for PTSD. It was on my list of diagnoses. What from... I guess this can be repeated: it may be mixed up in emotions or obscured by time. It isn't necessarily my parents' fault.

It doesn't matter anyway. My parents are old. Healthy but old. I don't want to spend the rest of their life demonizing them. It's best for me to assume they did their best and nothing related to whatever trauma I have was their doing.

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Dainbramadge · 56-60, M Best Comment

Wow. and I mean that very respectively.
My brother could have written this almost word for word.
It took me a very long time, not trying to lead you any place, to admit my parents were horrible.
On every level.
I was telling my therapist about some of the stuff they would do and made her tear up.
She said at best it was borderline abusive.

Their claim to fame was " We did the best we could".
Well I can tell you that their attempt was far from a success.
My brother tends to, even tho he has numerous horror stories of his own, cut them slack and just focus on the things they half ass did that families were supposed to do.
But I got way to many horrid memories to be able to do that.

So I don't end this with a "go ahead and hate them" ending, I will finish with what I wish I could do.
Yes both my parents had crap parents according to them. So in their defense they had no good examples to draw from.
The Bible says honor thy mother and father.
I have picked that statement apart for years and I will share what I wish I could make myself believe or even feel. Maybe it will go someplace with you.

They can't undo what has been done.
They were young and inexperienced.
No one should ever be held accountable for their past actions forever by anyone.
Mental health is still a stigma and was even worse when they were parenting you.

Each day is a choice. "Do I hate someone for something they can never undo or fix?"
or do I choose to forgive and move on from today and build from today what wasn't built earlier.

Hope this wasn't to negative.

robbie2499 · 61-69, F

Have you ever had a heart to heart conversation with your parents about this? You stated they are older; they won't be here forever so now is the time.

SinlessOnslaught · M

@robbie2499 Not in depth.

NeuroticByNature · 41-45, F

As long as you dont blame yourself. Your feelings are valid even if theres no one to blame.

Dainbramadge · 56-60, M

Thank you for Best Comment. :-)

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kodiac · 22-25, M

@Dainbramadge No overstep at all . I don't really remember my bio parents but i feel like they would have been like you. I'm not sure about kids myself so much healing to do yet. One thing i can see your relationship with your kids protects them . They will never be an easy target for any kind of predator, kids close to their parent are so much safer . It's the kids that don't have involved parents that predators seek out . In my case having 13 sets of parents that all insisted i be whatever they wanted me to be .I knew that the abuse wasn't from my real parents .

Dainbramadge · 56-60, M

@kodiac Dude. That is by far one of the nicest things any one has ever told me.
I am really flattered.
You are strong I must say. To have lived so much hell and yet strong enough to talk about it.
I think you are a special person.
You are strong in ways that I wish I was.
Smart and your very concise with your words.
They most always hit home with me.
Like pointing out the stuff about being close with my kids keeps them safe from evil.

My brother stay strong and I need to check your profile to see if there are any more songs to be had. :-)
Thank you so much for those wonderful things you said to me.
They are in my heart forever.

kodiac · 22-25, M

@Dainbramadge All true my friend , you're strong enough to raise your kids right when most people would say you got to discipline kids . I think you're really good at the most important thing a man can do treating kids like people instead of property. I have some poems in my profile feel free to use any if you like .

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