I don't know if my parents ever meant to hurt me or not.

I remember being constantly fearful of my dad's anger or disapproval but anything further or more specific than that may be mixed up in emotions or obscured by time.

I know that I was told in my adult life by a professional that my symptoms qualify me for PTSD. It was on my list of diagnoses. What from... I guess this can be repeated: it may be mixed up in emotions or obscured by time. It isn't necessarily my parents' fault.

It doesn't matter anyway. My parents are old. Healthy but old. I don't want to spend the rest of their life demonizing them. It's best for me to assume they did their best and nothing related to whatever trauma I have was their doing.

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Dainbramadge · 56-60, M Best Comment

Wow. and I mean that very respectively.
My brother could have written this almost word for word.
It took me a very long time, not trying to lead you any place, to admit my parents were horrible.
On every level.
I was telling my therapist about some of the stuff they would do and made her tear up.
She said at best it was borderline abusive.

Their claim to fame was " We did the best we could".
Well I can tell you that their attempt was far from a success.
My brother tends to, even tho he has numerous horror stories of his own, cut them slack and just focus on the things they half ass did that families were supposed to do.
But I got way to many horrid memories to be able to do that.

So I don't end this with a "go ahead and hate them" ending, I will finish with what I wish I could do.
Yes both my parents had crap parents according to them. So in their defense they had no good examples to draw from.
The Bible says honor thy mother and father.
I have picked that statement apart for years and I will share what I wish I could make myself believe or even feel. Maybe it will go someplace with you.

They can't undo what has been done.
They were young and inexperienced.
No one should ever be held accountable for their past actions forever by anyone.
Mental health is still a stigma and was even worse when they were parenting you.

Each day is a choice. "Do I hate someone for something they can never undo or fix?"
or do I choose to forgive and move on from today and build from today what wasn't built earlier.

Hope this wasn't to negative.