Just Yappin

No amount of journaling or bike rides or promises save me from this void I find myself in lately. Called a hotline and they told me to try yoga- who can blame them? What do you really say to a complete stranger?
I'm severely broke this month after being taken off a large chunk of the schedule. Partially due to my current state and partially to do with my one douchy boss, but I'm using all this time off to do a partial program at the hospital.
Between working one day a week and doing nothing else, I'm pretty beat. This year so far has been exhausting, and I wasn't ready for a lot of it. Part of me is sick at the softness I achieve and part of me is ashamed of never manning up.
When I was a teenager, I thought un-aliving yourself was something that needed to be earned, or proven in some way to be the right decision. Like it had to be closely documented about why this needed to happen, so everyone understands. I don't really know how I feel about it now. Not really caring if I'm understood, that's for sure.

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RobinG · 41-45, M

Hey Jack,

It's true that hotlines won't be able to give you tailored advice. That's one of the reasons I've never bothered when I am in a slump. It's like seeking advice on Reddit, but better because at least the person on the other end is hopefully trained, and cares, but all they can give you is generic advice.

In my experience, we gotta find it within ourselves to continue. Life is never always happiness or joy, unfortunately. Usually it's mundane and dull. It can also be soul destroying.

You're not alone, and people are rooting for you, even if they're strangers.

I find it hard to tell my friends/family things that I'm going through, because I don't want to put upon them, but if you can do that, at least you'd get advice from people that know you better ;)

For me, just remembering that there's a light at the end of the tunnel helps a little. My current situation isn't forever, and I'd rather try and do w/e I can to make things better now, rather than let myself feel like all is lost.

I wish you the best, man.

JackForrester · 26-30, M

@RobinG Thank you for the encouragement. I hope this Summer has found you well and happy so far.

RobinG · 41-45, M

@JackForrester I'm breaking up with my gf of 11 years so it could be better. In trying to keep my own advice in mind :D

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kutee · T

try gardening, seriously the best treatment for depression, doesnt have to be big project, just growing a few plants, from seed, will lift your spirits

Musicman · 61-69, MVIP

What is un-aliving? I will be glad to pray for you 🙏🙏🙏 Is it possible to pick up another job elsewhere?

JackForrester · 26-30, M

@Musicman I didn't want to say suicide... Thank you. I have an interview on Monday, but choosing to be in the day program kinda limits my schedule for the next week and a half anyway, and this is only for this month that I work one day a week so it's just a weird situation I'm having trouble compensating for haha. I am also doing a paid study from Brown University, so I'm hustlin

Musicman · 61-69, MVIP

@JackForrester I am so sorry. I didn't know. I truly wish you all the best on your interview. I hope you get the job. I will definitely pray for you 🙏🙏🙏

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