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I think I don't deserve to love or to be loved because of who I am

So I shall again take a step back and wait.
I'll tell you what my crazy thought has been this time.
To begin my journey back home.
But, too only go by land and take long pauses. So long that perhaps I'll change my mind on the way.
But I'd need to leave my load. I can't travel that heavy, even if I only have a backpack, is about 10kg.
Maybe I'll change my mind, but it was an idea.
Maybe it'd be better if I'd go to Bali. Or the US. Anywhere it'd be okay.
I'm in a strange mood. I'm talking to you but I feel as if I grew a great distance within a couple of days. Really great. That is. Some strange independence.
As I decided that I'm going to be on my own.
I understand what I mean when I say that nothing really cares. People do care.
But I've none close enough to overcome my defences.
I'm choosing it. But also not.
I can't even recognise or understand much what has happened. I have a few clues.
Well, I'm okay I guess.
Matt85 · 36-40, M
I was just thinking the other day, that you are this magical, creative person and someone needs to tell you.
Of course you deserve love.
being · 36-40, F
@Matt85 I don't know maybe you haven't but why should you
Matt85 · 36-40, M
@being Because I'm a fair person (or atleast I like to think so). Do you have your first aid kit? I hope so. :)
solitaire · 41-45, F
@Matt85 All of us deserve to be loved. But finding a meaningful connection is difficult
You are one of the people most deserving of love. You try not to hurt anyone or anything and do a lot of self reflection to prevent that. Many people should take you as an example.
being · 36-40, F
@NerdyPotato thank you 🐳 but sometimes I am turning into other things and that's okay too I guess
ninalanyon · 61-69, T
An overland journey from Vietnam to Greece would go through some scary places, scary for me at least. Take care of yourself.
being · 36-40, F
@ninalanyon thank you. It's only an idea. But somehow all of the other alternatives don't appeal to me.
I'll rethink.
ninalanyon · 61-69, T
@being I think it's a great idea, I just worry about all the things that could go wrong! A woman travelling alone in some of the places along the way would be at some risk I feel. Someone like me even more so.

But I don't think you ever take the safe way just to be safe so just be careful.
being · 36-40, F
@ninalanyon I don't feel like a woman anymore. I am I guess.
Thank you my dear.
I'm going to take things into consideration, well as much as I can, I can do a bit. It's not like I'm placing myself in the worst situations possible.
But I can do better for sure.
Unlearn · 41-45, M
Wishing you the best on your journey. I think our inner world is more important than our outer world or so has been my experience...
being · 36-40, F
@Unlearn yes me too
Riemann · 31-35, M
You are okay. Don't overthink.
Move ahead in your life.
being · 36-40, F
@Riemann yes and I'm doing it already.
But I'm done denying my truth too. This is me in my fullness, not half truth and full intentions,
But presence
Presence
Your words are full of hurt and perhaps a kind of resignation. There is a numbness I sense from it.
So it's understandable that you'd feel like you don't deserve love, as it is your pain talking.

I hope things look better for you when this pain passes.
being · 36-40, F
@thinkingoutloud yes... The pain has a voice and we're listening 🎧🙏🏼.. how else..
@being As uncomfortable as it feels, there is a poignant beauty to it. That your pain has a voice so clear.🙏🏼
Hugs to help and guide you along your way 🤗
being · 36-40, F
@being Welcome dear sweet Elafina 🌻
RedBaron · M
Check the airlines.
being · 36-40, F
@RedBaron cause love is in the air right?
:)
RedBaron · M
@being I was thinking because it’s a quicker way to get home.
being · 36-40, F
@RedBaron I can't go home
oldercanuck1 · 70-79, M
everyone deserves love
being · 36-40, F
@oldercanuck1 you right....
oldercanuck1 · 70-79, M
@being i am not right to often but this time i am ,,lol
being · 36-40, F
@oldercanuck1 thank you 🌹
in10RjFox · M
It is in this kind of situation that one choose to volunteer and be part of a cause or join an ashram or just dedicate the remaining life time to another. Being a vagabond in thoughts is what many are, but becoming a real Vagabond and be on the move, does help the future.
NinaTina · 26-30, F
A bike or a moped would help you
NinaTina · 26-30, F
@being your welcome just throwing in a couple ideas♥️
being · 36-40, F
NinaTina · 26-30, F
@being never had a love or lover😞
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being · 36-40, F
@NativePortlander1970 I'm trying to go beyond
@being I learned early on that the best way to move on is to confront it head on first.
being · 36-40, F
@NativePortlander1970 and I did too. Over and over. I have stopped perpetuating it though.

 
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