What I never understood

If I say that I can understand the person’s mindset, why they drew the conclusion they had based on the information they found; that doesn’t mean I condone anything they say or do that’s wrong. It also doesn’t mean that I don’t understand what they’re saying or doing. If I say that I can see why they’d think a certain way, that doesn’t mean that I agree with them.
Yet saying that I can see where they’re coming from tends to cause more issues in my conversations with others than anything else. What is the disconnect here? This is the one thing I can’t ever understand. I don’t get why they don’t get it. 😵‍💫

So I get quiet. Every time. With everyone except one other person who I’ve expressed this issue with.

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ninalanyon · 61-69, T

It's just the way that users of a language continually alter the weight that is given to the various connotations of a word. Understand has for a long time now had an undertone of sympathy. An understanding has meant a mutual agreement since about 1800, see https://www.etymonline.com/search?q=understand

So if you say that something is understandable then you generally are also implying that it is in some sense reasonable.

To avoid others receiving that impression I generally add something like 'but I disagree'.

Lostpoet · M

This sounds like an SW specific complaint and you're right people on here want everyone on their side and if you give the other group the slightest idea of understanding where they're coming from the other people jump down your throat. We're are all adults on this website we don't have to act like uninformed children all the time.

Colonelmustardseed · 36-40

@Lostpoet It’s happened several times throughout my life, in person as well.

Lostpoet · M

@Colonelmustardseed Sorry, I thought you were talking about SW specificly

Colonelmustardseed · 36-40

@Lostpoet I suppose it’s more understandable when it occurs online since tone and other cues are harder to express in only typed out words. 😮‍💨

Coralmist · 41-45, F

If you only say "I see where they're coming from" it almost has a implication you also have that mindset..(where they're coming from). Hence agreeing with it. But perhaps add.."However I do not agree with what their mindset is"🌻

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Coralmist · 41-45, F

@Colonelmustardseed Oh wow strange!!

Colonelmustardseed · 36-40

@Coralmist I know. 😓

Coralmist · 41-45, F

@Colonelmustardseed As long as you know your own stance that is what matters. We cannot control others thoughts or reaction and that is ok ...

AuRevoir · 36-40, M

Just because I'm lame doesn't mean it's anything you're doing.. 👀🥤

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AuRevoir · 36-40, M

@Colonelmustardseed That's just how the situation feels to me.. 😌 You want to do this for the best results and I say "No this is the best results!"

Colonelmustardseed · 36-40

@AuRevoir Yeah, but in the end of that, they killed me. 😅

AuRevoir · 36-40, M

@Colonelmustardseed Psshhh.. That's way to extreme an ending.. 😶 Can't you see that we're just subcategories underneath the same main categories umbrella?? 😶

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