What I never understood

If I say that I can understand the person’s mindset, why they drew the conclusion they had based on the information they found; that doesn’t mean I condone anything they say or do that’s wrong. It also doesn’t mean that I don’t understand what they’re saying or doing. If I say that I can see why they’d think a certain way, that doesn’t mean that I agree with them.
Yet saying that I can see where they’re coming from tends to cause more issues in my conversations with others than anything else. What is the disconnect here? This is the one thing I can’t ever understand. I don’t get why they don’t get it. 😵‍💫

So I get quiet. Every time. With everyone except one other person who I’ve expressed this issue with.

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ninalanyon · 61-69, T

It's just the way that users of a language continually alter the weight that is given to the various connotations of a word. Understand has for a long time now had an undertone of sympathy. An understanding has meant a mutual agreement since about 1800, see https://www.etymonline.com/search?q=understand

So if you say that something is understandable then you generally are also implying that it is in some sense reasonable.

To avoid others receiving that impression I generally add something like 'but I disagree'.