Are you getting all you deserve in life?

When I am dealing with this kind feeling, I feel so sad and sorry for myself.
Two years ago, I realized that all this time of my life, I am just the second option ever since. I am just a replacement if their first choice is unavailable or incapable, either at work, as a friend, in my family and even as a lover, almost in most things and aspects in my life.
When I looked back to situations that happened to me, to opportunities that has been given, and to chances that I have taken. All of those things, I am just the second option.

And do you know what sucks the most, I gave my all.
My best efforts, my best shot, all my best even they did not ask for it. I can be the most caring and helpful friend, I can be the most understanding and thoughtful lover, I can be the most supporting colleague, I can give those kind of things in a best way that I can, even though this people in my life did not expect that from me. I even made sacrifices, I am not selfish, I am very patient and understanding.

Am I not worthy of love, am I not worthy of good things even though I have given all my best, I did all my best, is still not enough? I guess I am not worthy and enough. They say "you get what you deserve", I do not deserve to be treated like this, what an unfair and cruel path for me I guess.
I apologize if I might trigger anyone by this post. 😞

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TinyViolins · 31-35, M Best Comment

The concept of "deserve" implies that the world is fair and people get exactly what they put in. The world has never been fair and nobody is really owed anything.

Some of us can be the kind, caring, patient, supportive, and giving, and still get overlooked and ignored. That's the most painful thing of all. When you give your best to the people around you and get nothing back in return. As if people don't even see you. As if you only exist to be used.

Your heart tends to close up after that. There's only so much a person can give before they start to run out, and then people start to drift away once they realize that fountain has run dry. It's heartbreaking to go through, and I'm sorry you have to go through the same. It really does make you wonder what the point of going on even is.

I guess the only thing that can help keep us afloat is the hope that we are not alone. That there are other people out there that are inclined to give and to treat others with the kindness they wish to be treated with. Maybe they've been jaded by life as well and are harder to find, but they're still out there. I mean, what are the odds that you're the only person that has gone through this?

Having that hope in the good in people, that someday you'll find somebody that can appreciate the love and kindness you have to offer, should help to keep you going. It's easy to be brought down by disappointment and negativity, but knowing that there is some positive out there, that there is someone that can love unselfishly, is a powerful force that can help you look beyond the pain of your past.