Sad little life

I don't think my heart ached this much over my mother's sickness when she was alive and in pain.. I did not cry... I do not know why only now it is hitting me how heart breaking her situation was... how she had no idea what was going on and why she was in so much pain... and how she couldn't do much...

The only time I remember crying was when I had just found out about the diagnosis in the hospital.. it was a short window of crying though, and nothing much after even in the worst moments... but now things just visit me randomly and my heart aches over how she was gone.. had a little life and died in pain.. My heart did not ache this much when I was actually going through it all..

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megrose · 56-60, F

Thats a normal reacrion to a traumatic situation. You go into survival mode and just do what you have to do to get theough it, then when the threat is gone you experience that emotional reaction you thought you should have had during the crisis. Part of the grieving process. May your mother RIP.

BittersweetPotato · 31-35, F

@megrose Thank you for the explanation.. I think i need to read more about it to better understand my feelings.. because I often felt shameful that I was very practical taking care of things and not 'more hurt', when my mother was in the hospital.

EarthlingWise

You are mourning, and tears will flow. You are processing a lifetime.

BittersweetPotato · 31-35, F

@EarthlingWise i have never been the cryer type, but now I find it easy to summon tears at any moment by just recalling some memories or events

Montanaman · M

Bless your heart ❤️ 💔❤️😇😇🙏🙏

FurryFace · 61-69, M

your mind protected you at the time but some of the love pain seeps in sometimes in memory recall

SW-User

It was your mother who loved you before you were born - who carried you for a long months close to her heart and in the fullest of time took God's hand in hers and passed through the valley of shadows to give you life.

It was she who cared for you during the helpless years of infancy and scarcely less dependent years of childhood. As you have grown less dependent, she has done the countless, thoughtful, trouble-healing, helpful and encouraging things which somehow only mothers seem to know how to do. You may have accepted these attentions more of less as matters of course and perhaps without conscious gratitude or any expressions of your appreciation.

You are rapidly approaching the time in life when you will be entirely independent of your mother. The ties which dependency has bound you to her may be served as you grow older, but the tie of mother-love can never be broken

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