Sad little life

I don't think my heart ached this much over my mother's sickness when she was alive and in pain.. I did not cry... I do not know why only now it is hitting me how heart breaking her situation was... how she had no idea what was going on and why she was in so much pain... and how she couldn't do much...

The only time I remember crying was when I had just found out about the diagnosis in the hospital.. it was a short window of crying though, and nothing much after even in the worst moments... but now things just visit me randomly and my heart aches over how she was gone.. had a little life and died in pain.. My heart did not ache this much when I was actually going through it all..

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megrose · 56-60, F

Thats a normal reacrion to a traumatic situation. You go into survival mode and just do what you have to do to get theough it, then when the threat is gone you experience that emotional reaction you thought you should have had during the crisis. Part of the grieving process. May your mother RIP.

BittersweetPotato · 31-35, F

@megrose Thank you for the explanation.. I think i need to read more about it to better understand my feelings.. because I often felt shameful that I was very practical taking care of things and not 'more hurt', when my mother was in the hospital.