Text I can't send - Brais
I sometimes imagine seeing you again some day, how I would react, how you would react, if we would even say "Hi" to each other or pretend as if we were strangers, like we used to do as kids, hiding our friendship from everyone at school, afraid of being called "gays". It's been a bit more than a year now since last we talked I think, I knew it wasn't gonna last forever, but I always thought if it was ever to end, it would be a decision we took together. After you broke up with Ale, I felt like a part of you died, and with that our friendship. You became cold and distant, I had hoped it was just a matter of time, you will pull out of it, and tho you did, you were never the same with me. Still I stuck around for a couple of years, trying to keep the friendship going, knowing the day I stop trying, that would be the end.
Now, I sometimes blame myself, for not walking away sooner, for sticking around, hoping things might get better.
Some other times, I blame you, I get mad at you, cause I tried, I did whatever I could, I tried talking to you so many times about how I felt like I was losing you, and you always brushed it off as "Oh I have been real busy lately, you know, with university and stuff..", so I gave you time and space, all while knowing the moment I took a step back, you won't reach out to pull me in.
The funny thing is that, since it all had to be a secret, no one knows what happened as well as we do, and as time goes on, and we move on and forget, it's almost as if it never happened, none of it was ever real.
From time to time, I find stuff that you sent me, saved somewhere in my Google storage, like a picture you sent me many years ago, without me even asking for it. I remember not realizing right away it was you as a baby.. but there was no mistake, those were your eyes. It was such a huge milestone for me when you did that, sharing something so personal with me, cause it showed just how much you have grown to trust me after everything we have been through, so I saved it, and after everything, I probably still have it saved somewhere.
And it hit different, to know you found out I almost got diagnosed with cancer, told I could have lost my right arm... And you didn't even flinch... For someone who claimed to care about me, that was surprising, to say the least.
Now, I sometimes blame myself, for not walking away sooner, for sticking around, hoping things might get better.
Some other times, I blame you, I get mad at you, cause I tried, I did whatever I could, I tried talking to you so many times about how I felt like I was losing you, and you always brushed it off as "Oh I have been real busy lately, you know, with university and stuff..", so I gave you time and space, all while knowing the moment I took a step back, you won't reach out to pull me in.
The funny thing is that, since it all had to be a secret, no one knows what happened as well as we do, and as time goes on, and we move on and forget, it's almost as if it never happened, none of it was ever real.
From time to time, I find stuff that you sent me, saved somewhere in my Google storage, like a picture you sent me many years ago, without me even asking for it. I remember not realizing right away it was you as a baby.. but there was no mistake, those were your eyes. It was such a huge milestone for me when you did that, sharing something so personal with me, cause it showed just how much you have grown to trust me after everything we have been through, so I saved it, and after everything, I probably still have it saved somewhere.
And it hit different, to know you found out I almost got diagnosed with cancer, told I could have lost my right arm... And you didn't even flinch... For someone who claimed to care about me, that was surprising, to say the least.
