She "sorta" cheated on her boyfriend with a girl and apparently I'm "sort of responsible"

(Should've probably asked about this before asking for book recommendations. Anyway... KINDA LONG STORY, NEEDS PATIENCE TO READ)

So, Lady at work has a boyfriend, they've been together for years apparently.

Lady at work found out I like both men and women.

She asked me a bunch of self discovering questions. Pretty sure she was bicurious at that point so I told her how I learned about my sexuality and how I came to terms with it (Eldest daughter of an Asian household does not a very acceptable environment make) and dealt with family and society and all that. She said she's always thought of her self as straight and thanked me for sharing my story and then we went about our days working as corporate slaves.

AND THEN

I found out her and another coworker were being very sus and it turns out they've sort of been um... "exploring a new found friendship" by ways of less than platonic activities. Apparently, if they didn't label it, it doesn't count as cheating. Her boyfriend found out though and things went sideways. More than sideways, considering her sexuality also left the "straight as an arrow" path.

ANYWAY

She went "if you hadn't told me all those stuff, things wouldn't have gone this way".

SO MY QUESTION IS, HOW SHALL I DEAL WITH THIS? Shower me with some wisdom please. Thank you.

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DeWayfarer · 61-69, M

You, as a bisexual, can't accept the blame for anyone else's actions.

I would put it that way to her about polyamory relationships as well. As I had been in one before. Not that it either myself or the other male were bisexual.

We just loved the same woman.

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DeWayfarer · 61-69, M

@DeletedReality you're very welcome!

DeletedReality · 26-30, F

@DeWayfarer I don't believe anyone with any religion are all bad, but wow there are those who just don't believe in boundaries and differences in beliefs. I mean, I don't think that's the right "message" to spread.

DeWayfarer · 61-69, M

@DeletedReality yet such missionary's are being pushed by powerful governments. As a means to control other cultures.

This is no different in any part of the world. South East Asia is no different than Africa which is no different than south America.

It's all a government push. Even pushed by the UN itself... United way is such an organization. Though they make no mention of religion outright. Only in the background do they push their religion.

HootyTheNightOwl

She asked for advice...

You advised...

She followed your advice...

How does this put you in a bad light??? You issued advice, you don't bear responsibility for if she follows that advice or not. She could have chosen to ignore your advice or even talk it through with her boyfriend before she acted on impulse.

She chose to do the fun stuff without dealing with the formalities first - so that's on her.

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DeletedReality · 26-30, F

@HootyTheNightOwl The thing is... I'm sort of her supervisor 😅 Then I tried to open up to my supervisor and she told me to deal with it, which is her code for "IDGAF". I've tried again and again to resolve it professionally but dang, these youngsters are uncontrollable. They're not even that younger than me but they're son difficult to reach.

HootyTheNightOwl

@DeletedReality Do you have HR??? You may have to ask them for advice here...

DeletedReality · 26-30, F

@HootyTheNightOwl There's only one person in HR and he only does benefits and time keeping/payroll tasks. I'm the "unofficial" (because it's not my job but I'm tasked to "help" the department because you know, so they don't have to pay me an additional or hire someone else) Employee Relations and Recruitment and Selection person 🙃 anyway, since I'm not actually part of HR, I can't do any official reprimand or something and the actual HR person claims he's busy.

uncalled4 · 56-60, M

She's being ridiculous. She also sounds like a cheater. She got found out and can't take the heat, so she tried to blame you. You had nothing to do with it.

DeletedReality · 26-30, F

@uncalled4 Thank you! But how do I tell her that without seeming/sounding like I want to give her a huge middle finger salute? Because I very much want to keep it mature considering our group dynamic at work is suffering.

uncalled4 · 56-60, M

@DeletedReality You don't. You're not going to reach her. She's a co-worker, so just talk about work.

DeletedReality · 26-30, F

@uncalled4 I wish it was that easy. I very much like to ignore other people's issues at work. Unfortunately, this time my name has been mixed in with rumors.

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