I Am Bisexual
Hello, I presume this is where I upload my story, so here it goes.(This might get a bit adult oriented, so please be advised.)
I'm a 21 year old latino college guy, who was raised Christian, still am, and I've been wrestling with this aspect of my identity since I was 13, but that ends today.
So, for the first time in my life, I am admitting that I am bisexual. I like guys and girls. Haha. Fancy that.
Ever since I was a teen, I thought it was really weird when I first got turned on by a guy, or just thinking of one. I thought that was just a phase, but soon found myself having wet dreams about both guys and girls more and more as the years went by. During my teens, I took several "Am I Gay?" tests with my soon to be "out of the closet" gay friend, Mark. He of course passed with flying colors (sorry, I just had to make that pun). I always lied here and there on the test just to eek by in order to prove to myself I was straight. Recently, while I was at the local gym with Mark, on a slow Thursday night, I remember, Mark and I had were two of the only guys in the showers. We'd just come in from playing racquetball and we were drenched in sweat. Long story short, when we were showering I popped an erection in front of him and, well, it wouldn't go down. So, that was when I told him I thought I was bi, but it was him that reaffirmed that I was bi after I disclosed to him what I've been going through.
Surprisingly, being Christian hasn't deterred me a bit from admitting this, being that the community that I am surrounded by is no homophobic in the slightest. No, what's impeded me from admitting who I am to myself is me. Call it what you will, internalized homophobia, self-doubt, or just an unwillingness to accept reality, I really don't know the real reason at the root of all my self-denial. But I do know this, I am admitting it now and I am not going back.
Having said all that, does this mean I'm going to automatically start dating men? No. Would I like to have one gay relationship/experience at some point in my life? Absolutely. However, in the future, I still see myself getting married to a woman and having children, but admitting that I am bi now is the first step I see that I have to take. If I accept my sexuality, something beyond my own control, then I can live with myself and hopefully get on with my life.
In summation, I just want to confide in someone my sexual identity and Mark told me that this was the place to do it. Now, if some bisexual around my age can help me navigate through this path of accepting my identity, I'd be most appreciative of chatting/having an online pen-pal relationship to discuss being bisexual. I hope to make some friends hear and learn from the varied and unique experiences you've all lived yourselves. Thanks and have a great day.
(P.S. I do apologize if my wording is verbose. I tried to be as concise as possible.)
I'm a 21 year old latino college guy, who was raised Christian, still am, and I've been wrestling with this aspect of my identity since I was 13, but that ends today.
So, for the first time in my life, I am admitting that I am bisexual. I like guys and girls. Haha. Fancy that.
Ever since I was a teen, I thought it was really weird when I first got turned on by a guy, or just thinking of one. I thought that was just a phase, but soon found myself having wet dreams about both guys and girls more and more as the years went by. During my teens, I took several "Am I Gay?" tests with my soon to be "out of the closet" gay friend, Mark. He of course passed with flying colors (sorry, I just had to make that pun). I always lied here and there on the test just to eek by in order to prove to myself I was straight. Recently, while I was at the local gym with Mark, on a slow Thursday night, I remember, Mark and I had were two of the only guys in the showers. We'd just come in from playing racquetball and we were drenched in sweat. Long story short, when we were showering I popped an erection in front of him and, well, it wouldn't go down. So, that was when I told him I thought I was bi, but it was him that reaffirmed that I was bi after I disclosed to him what I've been going through.
Surprisingly, being Christian hasn't deterred me a bit from admitting this, being that the community that I am surrounded by is no homophobic in the slightest. No, what's impeded me from admitting who I am to myself is me. Call it what you will, internalized homophobia, self-doubt, or just an unwillingness to accept reality, I really don't know the real reason at the root of all my self-denial. But I do know this, I am admitting it now and I am not going back.
Having said all that, does this mean I'm going to automatically start dating men? No. Would I like to have one gay relationship/experience at some point in my life? Absolutely. However, in the future, I still see myself getting married to a woman and having children, but admitting that I am bi now is the first step I see that I have to take. If I accept my sexuality, something beyond my own control, then I can live with myself and hopefully get on with my life.
In summation, I just want to confide in someone my sexual identity and Mark told me that this was the place to do it. Now, if some bisexual around my age can help me navigate through this path of accepting my identity, I'd be most appreciative of chatting/having an online pen-pal relationship to discuss being bisexual. I hope to make some friends hear and learn from the varied and unique experiences you've all lived yourselves. Thanks and have a great day.
(P.S. I do apologize if my wording is verbose. I tried to be as concise as possible.)
26-30, M
