lesbianism & gender confusion

Before I start, know that labels dont matter. I'm just trying to gain a deeper understanding of myself.

I came out as a trans man when I was 12 years old. I am now 20.
I have spent all of my adolesent life going by he/him and being seen entirely as male by my peers, but in the last 3 or so years I've been feeling an undoubtable draw towards lesbianism. Its like Its ingrained in my soul.
The thought of going by she/her makes me very uncomfortable, and Ive grown comfortable and happy with he/him and my masculine identity.
I'm just in such a confusing spot, it's like im caught in a rift between my gender expression and my sexual orientation. I want to be seen as masculine, I AM masculine, and yet I want to be someones sweet treasured girlfriend.
Am I a butch lesbian? Am I a he/him lesbian? I love the concept of he/him lesbianism. Do other women like he/him lesbians? Are he/him lesbians common and accepted within the lesbian community? Is there any hope for me? SOS

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Nightwings · F

Well, you said that labels don't matter, in the beginning of your post, so... I think the problem is how you use them to learn about yourself as a person. Labels may help some people to easily explain themselves, but other people are more complex. The labels contradict each other because you have different opposing sides to your sexuality and identity. It will always be harder for you to explain yourself to new people, than it is for those who fit one label. There's nothing wrong with that, complex = interesing. Just don't do the "5-million-labels-thing" please. 😅

You were born female, so nothing should stop you from calling yourself a lesbian. I don't know how those communities feel about when it's the other way around, but it seems simple in your case. Whether or not you're butch, is probably for others to tell you, or you already know. 😄