Getting so close

I had no idea how much I monitored my own words. So much so that I thought I was just a quiet person. Really I just didn’t want anything to slip out that would make me sound gay. The more people I tell the more I realize that I’ve been talking in code so that I could sort of get out what I wanted to say without someone overhearing it and calling me gay. Now that I’ve told tons of people including family, coworkers, bosses, and friends I don’t care if it gets out and I’m getting more frustrated when I feel like I’m monitoring myself, so much so that I stop censoring myself and just say what I have to say.
It sound like it should be such an easy thing to reverse, but I’ve practiced this other way all my life, I don’t even realize that I’m doing it sometimes. I think with time I will speak completely freely I’m just not there yet, close, but not fully there.