Self Discovery

I feel like I’ve spent a lot of energy trying to control how I appear to others, trying to make sure that I don’t come off as gay. Monitoring my actions and words. Now that I’m out I don’t need to do that but I still find myself changing how I really am out of habit. What could I be doing with that energy instead?
I don’t even know what my genuine self looks like. I’ve noticed over the past few day, when I’m feeling more aware, that my initial way of interacting with others isn’t how I really want to be. It feels kinda like I’m being a people pleaser. I think I do that to avoid conflict and to get people to like me but if I’m not being myself then what am I doing it for. To keep up an image of a person I no longer wish to be, a person I never really was. It feels so automatic to put up a façade thinking I’m doing it to protect myself when I’m really abandoning myself and blocking the real connection I want.
The more I’ve opened up the more others open up to me and the more I felt loved and accepted. I’m actually pretty hopeful about what this means for my life. I think this is the beginning of something really amazing. It doesn’t feel like it’s in my control right now but maybe that’s how it’s supposed to be. Not controlling, just being.