What should one do if their parents are in denial about their sexuality?

I came out to my mum 2 years ago when I had a partner (same-sex), I was about 14.

At first I thought she was supportive, but she was just being tolerant at that time. Now she denies that I like women and says it's just a phase and I will "finally like boys".

I'm 16 now and have a good relationship with her.

What can I do when she says/ implies negative things about LGBTQ or says things like - " When you have a boyfriend..." Or "When you find a husband" or "You will find someone eventually".
The other day she said straight was normally and that shoked me.

Now I will just laugh it off usually but it makes me uncomfortable and being gay is a "hush" topic in my family so no I cannot just "talk to her about it, when she is trying to get me to believe I'm straight when the topic of my sexual preference comes up.

But she is not bad, she is supportive and loves me the same, it's just my sexuality creates some conflict on a familial ground and this makes me anxious and upset.

Had anyone had the same situation before?
How did you deal with it?

Help is always appreciated 🖤🪐🌿

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BlueVeins · 22-25

Sorry you have to put up with shit like this, the fact that grown adults aren't mature enough to accept their kids' sexuality is absurd and deeply hurtful. I'm not super qualified to answer, but my uninformed advice is to allow her to continue thinking it's just a phase or whatever until she can come to terms with the truth. She's probably anxious about her child not living the traditional life she's always imagined, and is using this delusion to cope with it. If all goes well, this anxiety will gradually subside as you live out your life as a gay person while still remaining the daughter that she loves, and she'll eventually feel comfortable enough to accept who you are.

That's by no means a guarantee though, and unfortunately social conservatism is an incredibly finicky problem that can't be reliably solved from the outside. But yeah, your situation reminds me a bit of my mom because she continues to view my atheism as a phase even though it's been something like six years and I'm a whole-ass adult. Not to say that that's comparable, all I'm sayin' is that that's the experience I'm drawing off of.

MilayaDetka161 · 18-21, F

@BlueVeins

Thank you 🖤

I'm glad you could give me some advice it means a lot to me.

Sadly, it does not seem that simple that she will "get use to it"as it is unlikely. Because in my opinion 2 years is a while to get "use to" the concept of ur child being gay and as far as I know she takes my dating preferences seriously.

But she initiates them conversation about marriage and kids, I mainly avoid the topic of being gay but u know it is bound to come up.

But your comparison seems interesting I will take that in mind it must be hard for u as well, but I'm glad you've made it as you are and tried to help!

Gn 🛸✨

CountScrofula · 41-45, M

So the first thing is this is going to take time. Some parents react very strongly and negatively, while others do what your mom is doing, be a decent mom otherwise and live in denial. She may eventually come around.

Getting her there is the problem. I think the first thing is to find out what her problem is. Is she religious? Is it something else?

Finding some educational material for her as well will help. She probably has some weird ideas. even something like this very basic tip list from John Hopkins medical is good.

https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/tips-for-parents-of-lgbtq-youth

This sounds weird but this is hard for her. Imagine you think gay people are bad, and then your kid says she's one. How do you reconcile that? It's always gonna be harder for you as a gay teen, but she is probably struggling right now.

MilayaDetka161 · 18-21, F

@CountScrofula

Thank you very much 🖤

In terms of education as you said she has very firms beliefs about gay people so it won't help as she is the type of person who knows what's good for her and won't take advice from no one else.

I think she wants grandchildren in the future as she wants me to have kids, possibly when I'm older and settle down. ( just like the majority of parents out there). Also she believes straight is 'normal', she has nothing against gays but she wouldn't want her child being one.

CountScrofula · 41-45, M

@MilayaDetka161 Gay people can have kids right idk if you want them but I'm friends with a lesbian couple who took turns with pregnancies to have two children from one donor who is a trusted friend.

So yeah it sounds like arguing won't work with her which is fine. You're going to need to be very patient and just know more than her - a lot of this is ignorance.

And "Also she believes straight is 'normal', she has nothing against gays but she wouldn't want her child being one." Is something against gays. But again this seems like something she will learn to accept. May take a while though.

MilayaDetka161 · 18-21, F

@CountScrofula

You are right on this, I told her once I want to adopt but she said "don't you want your own child", so no and yes gay people can but she wants a grandchild that's actually mine not someone else's kid

canusernamebemyusername · M

Pink one of her favorite foods and keep telling her she doesn't actually like it and that it's just a phase she is going through.
A person knows what they like and don't like. No one is like, "I don't know if I like burgers or not but I'm going to keep eating them because I'm just going through a phase." You either do or you don't like something. There is no confusion about liking something
Yes tastes can change over time. But that doesn't mean you are lying or just having a phase at any one point.
And just like placing an order at a restaurant it is literally no one else's business what you ordered.

MilayaDetka161 · 18-21, F

@canusernamebemyusername

I like your analogy 😂😂😂

Dan193 · 31-35, M

I like this qoute I once saw: if I had a son and he became trans, I will no longer have a son.
I hope your parents come around.

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