So, there’s this veteran Air NZ skipper, Captain "Bazza" Baddock. He’s been flying the big Jumbos since they were basically just kites with engines. He’s up in the cockpit of a 747—the Queen of the Skies, a real massive unit—heading home from LAX. He clicks the intercom on to give the passengers the "God-zone" update: "G'day team, this is your Captain speaking. We’re currently hauling this 400-tonne Jumbo across the Pacific at about 35,000 feet. We’ve got a massive tailwind, so we’ll be hitting the tarmac in about an hour. Sit back, crack a brew, and enjoy the ride." He thinks he’s flicked the "off" switch, but he’s actually left it wide open. He leans back, stretches, and says to his co-pilot: "Far out, Trev. I’m absolutely knackered. Tell you what, as soon as we park this Jumbo, I’m gonna grab a massive coffee, have a smoke, and then I’m gonna see if I can get some 'extra-curricular' attention from that new flight attendant—you know, the one with the... gorgeous smile and the massive knockers."
The Mid-Air Sprint The entire plane goes silent. Then, the passengers start giggling. Down in the back of the bus, the new flight attendant—a lovely lass named Shazza—hears the whole thing. She goes bright purple, drops a stack of plastic cups, and starts sprinting towards the cockpit like her life depends on it. She’s absolutely honing it up the aisle of this massive Jumbo, dodging elbows and outstretched legs like she’s playing for the Black Ferns.
The Great Divide She’s almost at the stairs to the upper deck when she hits a bit of turbulence. At that exact moment, a Nana in seat 12B reaches into her "Jumbo-sized" handbag for a peppermint. Shazza catches her foot on the strap and goes flying. She does a spectacular, slow-motion dive, sliding through the cabin like a penguin on ice, ending up right at the feet of an old lady who’s been knitting a scarf since they left California.
The old girl doesn't even look up from her knitting. She just nudges Shazza with her knitting needle and says: "Steady on, darling! There’s no rush. The man’s gotta finish his coffee and his fag first, don’t he?"
