I want to read your shaggy dog stories.

For those of you who don't know, a shaggy dog story is an unnecessarily long and ultimately pointless joke. The name derives from one such story, in which a young man was in possession of a particularly shaggy dog, and all of his friends encouraged him to enter the dog into the "World's Shaggiest Dog" contest. The dog wins the grand prize easily, and people flock from all over the world to see the dog, until one man says, "I don't think he's that shaggy."

Shaggy dog stories always have ridiculously long setups leading to an ultimately underwhelming punchline. Sometimes, it's a horrible pun. Other times, you don't even get the enjoyment of wordplay. But they always end in a full thud. The point of a shaggy dog story is to waste the listeners' time in such grand fashion that your audience begins to look for projectile weapons.

So let's hear some.