I have been called ugly and fat my entirely life, and in every possible way.

Whether that meant 3 guys pretending they wanted to meet up at a bar and hang out with me then not showing up...a guy asking me 3x who gave me my "shit bitch you is fine" teddy bear keychain to imply that it wasn't true, and that by buying it for myself for the humor it proved something about me...the ex who quoted a comedian saying i was so fat my stomach would always get wet at the sink...my mom oinking at me secretly...men asking other men if they thought i was pretty, and watching the other guy straight up flinch...people at my old job calling me Ms. Guy and Joto (meaning f*@jj0t)..the guy who asked me which of my 3 SA's was my favorite, then saying a forklift would have had to lift me for him to rape...the guy who deliberately gave me an std..the one who stole my vehicle..the countless who cheated..the boyfriend i went to visit and found out there was a barnyard party going on at his place that i wasnt invited to, then to have him run away from me, and his friends all laugh and cheer and shine bright lights at me till i left, the way my parents would straight up leave me on the side of the road and make me walk miles home, make me sleep outside, ground me from food, allow me to be beaten and harmed/do it themselves..down to just people straight up hating me for existing when I did nothing to them...like the boss's wife who sat me down at a work outing and said all these hideous things to me ABOUT me..God protected me in that moment, bc i didnt know she was talking about me to my face..she was mad bc she thought i wanted her man, simply bc he had asked what i was listening to and i said King Kunta, so she thought i was FLIRTING..bc she didnt know what KUNTA means. It just makes me want to unalive constantly, the torment i have been through. The ones who don't know me irl think I am beautiful bc i curate filtered photos..the ones who know me irl probably hated me for one reason or another before getting to know me. I even feel like my family blames me for the rape of my virginity bc they high key think i was too UGLY to be raped. Idk why i am saying all this except to say like..y'all don't know how words and actions stick with others, and how often i both WAKE to them, fall ASLEEP to them, and then even DREAM them. Please take stock of what you say and do. It is LIFELONG pain for me, and others. I truly just wish i could shrink myself to the size of ant, the way it feels. Instead, i am the largest in every room. I am so, so tired. This is only a SMALL FRACTION. Like, y'all don't know what people CARRY.