I don't want to be the person I used to be, but the old desires and behaviours still haunt me.

@SW-User just keep shoving its self into my mind GRRR

@TwistedApe I have my weaknesses. If I get low, depressed, I have seen an escort, or two... to take that despair away. Doesn't fix, but certainly distracts; we all have our own weakness, how we cope, I'd say those times even though meeting some beautiful people, brought me a lot of nothing other than some beautiful transient acquaintances. We could call that stardust, though. Looking for a way to say to you, it's okay, and not okay.

@SW-User I think that stress has a lot to do with it. Though, just having a Roll in the Hay was never enough.

@SW-User I guess that sex and kinky sex was my drug. hence it is where my mind goes to when stress and little depressed. But like all drugs, you start needing more and more of it to get the "Buzz"

@TwistedApe Are you married? I'm only asking cause if you are, and romping around, it'll add into guilt. Personally, one I'm not, though I have a world of love to give, but appetite for sex and love are not always together. I'm not saying go around looking for a roll in the hay, but if you feel ashamed, maybe try to work on those parts in yourself without wetting your appetite

@TwistedApe Been there.

@SW-User Looking back, I did some pretty bad things for the thrill and the feeling of Trancendience it gave me. Didn't last long afterwards though, like any drug I guess.

@TwistedApe So you know your impulses, what it is has given you, the highs and lows.... and if like any drug, the return becomes lower each time, yet desire the high you once remembered?

@SW-User 100%, spot on.

@TwistedApe Then really the drug has given you all can find from it. You already know you won't get the high you so desire. I stopped myself from becoming addicted to it, I hope butI have alcohol as a sidekick, know the story. I don't want to be a high preacher of any kind, but if you are really having trouble, there are SA (sex anonymous meetings, and they won't ask you to abstain, I like that about their motto, as they recognize it's a real need of people.) You might find help there. Just know you are in a room that you are with people who took to sex like a drug. 🤔 Be wise.

@SW-User I have actually significatly reduced my alchol intake, I only buy drink any on the last Friday of the month. So far it works well.

@TwistedApe On that one, I'm looking to abstain, and I'm just slowly working myself towards. My indiscretions have mostly been with alcohol. Not gonna detail every little detail there, but I know what sex gives without alcohol, too. On too many levels, from where I was worried about addiction, to the intimacy of sex with a partner. The best I can give you, if you really want to say no, say no.