I Am Not the Person I Used to Be

What you experience as you come out on the other side, doesn't sound bad at all. It sounds as though you're growing. It also sounds as thought you might be having depression, fear, pessimism, etc., as a defense against the aftermath of those numerous horrible experiences. The experiences are in the past. Can you let them go - forgive and forget?

You must learn to move on. You have to accept what has happened, and then learn and grow from it. I wish you all the best.

When I was younger, I was happy too. Then, life threw sh*t at me, and for a few years I didn't want to live. Then, I discovered Buddhism, and the Buddhist philosophy has drastically made my life better. Plus, this lady made me promise to teach others about Anesthesia Awareness (when you wake up during surgery.) before that, I was naive, and happy. Now, I am happy, but aware of myself and life in ways I'd never thought about. Before, I was an optimist, whole "rose colored glasses" thing. Now, I'm an optimist, but also a realist. I think this is "PeanutsauntieP 2.0…lol. It was a difficult journey to get here, but now I think it was worth the pain, tears, self-hate, and lost years of sleep.