Today was a day where I did absolutely nothing I actually needed to do. I only did what I wanted to do…and I can’t help but feel guilt over that.

I’m trying not to let it completely rule the end of the night though. I’ve been distracting myself tonight with redoing my nails since I broke three today doing the task I wanted to do, finishing up the all-day laundry, getting the paperwork for my doctor’s appointment tomorrow taken care of online, and mapping out how I can make tomorrow’s trip as short but enjoyable as possible so I can enjoy the rest of my day off.

September is winding down and I’m not as far in personal matters as I hoped I would be. The escapism has been real. Probably too real, along with the procrastination that allowed me to get through tough days with a bit of light that I selfishly thought I was owed.

But reality is going to catch up with me. It always does. That’s not a tonight worry though. That’s what I try to tell myself anyway as the bruises from today begin to pop up from moving heavy furniture around all day. There was a moment when I had to ask for help, something I’m not fond of, and I used every muscle in my body to it’s capacity as I exhaled a grunt from the depths of my angry and unsettled soul…just to be met with no budging whatsoever. I had to laugh at that. Really thought I could She-Ra some shit, but nope.

Anyway, today was a productive way in some ways, while being a disappointment in others. Tomorrow may bring the same and I’m sure I’ll be fighting the same guilt. One day this chapter will be behind me though, and I honestly can’t wait for that moment. At least I’m one day closer to it.