Hates and ahtes and more hates

Sometimes i look at myself and wonder why i look so ugly and imperfect from everyone else. I hate it when people look at me and just feel pity for me. I don't like pity, its disgusting. Im disgusting. The reason they are so nice to me because they want to take time out of their own perfect lives to give a little to me. I hate it. I hate that im envious, i hate that everyone is better than me no matter how hard i try. I hate it so much the jealousy is swallowing me whole. I hate being jealous, but i can't help it. I hate that people have perfect lives with their perfect partner and their stupid pretty face. I hate it. I hate that I am always left out no matter how hard i try. I hate how much i hate myself. I hate how gorgeous everyone seems compared to the pig that i seem. I hate how everything seem so perfect. I hate it. I hate how pretty he is. I hate how everyone doesn't bother with me. I hate how much my mom hates us. I hate how my father doesn't care for anything. I hate rain. I hate the sky. I hate religious people. I hate smiles. I hate laughter. I hate myself. I hate eating. I hate throwing up. I hate oily food. I hate spending time with people.