I woke up crying

I dreamed that I went to my mom's house to visit, and when she didn't answer the door, I used my key and let myself in. Her dogs were there greeting me, and it smelled like home, but Mom wasn't there. I decided to surprise her when she got home from wherever she was. So I was just hanging out, waiting. Then I suddenly remembered... She wasn't coming home. She is dead.

I felt such an overwhelming sense of sadness, it was like my vision actually darkened. I woke up crying and have been crying off and on all day. We had a very rocky relationship and were total opposites of each other, but I do remember good things about her, and how welcoming her home always was. It made me so sad to finally have it sink in... I will never see her or that house again. That is a place that will only ever exist in my memory now.

I'm so tired of being sad.

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Baybreeze · 41-45, F

I can identify. I'm sorry of your mom's passing 🌻
How were you right after? My dad's in hospice with terminal cancer and each day is declining. Now he can barely speak at all. It's just heartbreaking. And like you with your mom, I didn't have a wonderful relationship with him as he could be moody and he defended my mother's horrible abuse , but I did know some good parts of him too. I'm really anxious of how I'm going to be when he passes. I hope I don't get so nervous that I get heart palpitations. I get freaking anxious ABOUT anxiety. Ugh.