Medication verses no Medication

I remember being on meds - mental health meds. No emotions, no feelings, like a robot just doing stuff that's expected, not happy or sad or frustrated or calm or anything at all.

Now I wonder when I look back over the years how I would of felt being a single parent for all those years, all those Christmas's when I was in my 20's. Would I of been sad, felt sorry for myself, been frightened, felt alone. Now I'm just used to it, it's my way of life but back then was when it would of been hard.

I haven't had meds for years. This is the first time I've sat and thought about how I feel at this time of year. I love having my children around me, I enjoy the days off work, I don't miss not having a partner someone to take some strain especially as I have no gas due to changing to a rubbish supplier and it costing a fortune in electric and buying halogen oven etc to be able to cook. It's just normal to me.

I have this feeling I'm supposed to miss having a decent stable relationship at this time of year, feel stressed about gifts and food and the no gas issue but then I'm used to it, it's my every day. I have this feeling I'm supposed to miss giving a special person a nice present and look forward to them opening it and cuddling up but I don't - all that would add stress I'm not used to I suppose.

Anyway I'm not sure this is a question lol I should of posted it in groups but nevermind I typed it now.