It's Sunday and I think that being at the right old age of 56 years old I need to confess. I've been madly attracted to older women almost my entire life. Now I'm indeed much older and have discovered my true self more I still find intelligent and elegant women highly seductive.
However, what it meant for me growing up during the 70s and 80s was that I let myself almost caged in. No-one else needs to be blamed any more although I did get sexually abused by an aunt way back then too. That was very wrong indeed. I don't like to talk about that again, because I need to own up to that something else first.
Needless to say that the abuse marked me. Something else marked me too though. Alright, I'm now still attracted to women because I'm really like that, but that I choose way back then to project all my fantasies onto women that were in essence unattainable caged me a lot.
The truth is that I'm not very experienced. It's maddening looking back because during those decades there were an awful lot of mainstream novels been published and movies been released about the sexual awakening of teenagers without actually going into the effect of it all.
I find it a shame that even the leasure industry today doesn't put out the occasional warning and advice to teenagers and young adults that fantasy and desire are alright but they are indeed not the real stuff. Love is that, and that can never be when limited to oneself
Fantasy and desire are indeed not "the real thing", but they can help us to explore and and strive towards healthy, positive relationships. I think for a lot of us, throughout most of history, pursuing a same-sex romance has been in a practical sense "unattainable". Imaginings and mythologising are an important part of who we are.
