Feeling down lately

Obviously I’ve been working too much and juggling too many responsibilities while also having very draining HR calls.
Today I had an appointment for my kiddo to go to speech therapy but my boss sheduled an urgent HR call with our legal advisor and he wanted me present even though I told him about the appointment (also I don’t have to work on Fridays so there was no assumed availability).
I ended up dropping my kid off at the appointment and picking him back up and driving home on the call.
I have so many things to arrange for his ipcoming birthday and my husband insisted on subscribing him to the last swimming lessons our son needs because he was close to being able to swim on his own. He can now and he was right to want us to continue. But honestly, I’ve been driving him to about 3 appointments per week for a year now and work has exploded since a year ago too with lots of people being in burn out or maternity leave or just quitting the toxic atmosphere.
I had a lot of special projects with urgent deadlines, all which I did while still doing my financial management, hr management and general admin responsibilities and training my direct report.

I feel like I’m at my limits and yet everyone, even my husband expects me to just suck it up because everything is always just temporary…

I asked my colleague if he can already see himself taking over for a month because I’m considering taking parental leave for a month and he honestly told me that he just can’t do what I do.

So then I wonder, amidst all this chaos, where am I supposed to still get any rest and energy from. The day off and weekend off don’t do it anymore especially since I’m always with my son then too and he has tons of energy. I want to be able to be there for him fully, but lately I feel like I can’t even do that.

There’s also no real support from anyone and my husband is away from home a lot for a training this month and the upcoming months. He’s even leaving for Helsinki for 5 days on our son’s birthday.
We were supposed to give a small party for the kids in his class. He said I could still do that but I just don’t want to do things by myself all the time. I’ve been doing that on and off for 6 years now with our son and every family obligation from both our sides.

Everything is draining and yet I feel like I have little choices but to keep going.

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twistedrope · 26-30, M

That situation is super rough. I know some parents rely on their parents to spend time with their kids. And everyone outside of family wants to get paid for it. But that's really just adding more manpower to try give kids the attention they need. Its good to know that you recognize you feel drained and can take steps forward to help the situation. I know it hurts to not be able to give something to someone you love, and it hurts to not make that commitment so it really is a catch 22 situation. I was fairly autonomous as a kid because I saw and became attentive to the stress of my parent and learned to not enjoy certain things I knew stressed him out. Like birthdays or Gift giving. As a kid, everything became "me" centric as opposed to "we". What I knew I wanted as opposed to what looked fun.

I know my boss works too hard and family is draining her far beyond what should be possible. We are in the worst position we've ever been in. Her family keeps requiring time, our team is down from regular 9 to regular 2 and we might not have jobs in 5 weeks from a restructure. She let go of a lot that used to be urgent or high importance due to the work situation while seemingly I picked up the "emergency, needs attention now" slack and she gave me leverage to essentially come in late 20-50 minutes each day and leave early. So... Your coworker may not need to do what you do, but the problem can be put off until your personal life and work life reaches a compromise. For context, I work in a hospital so emergency means emergency quite literally sometimes.

You are doing great. If this being drained thing goes on too long like weeks or months... I'd seek professional counseling because that crap will do physical harm if left unchecked. Also cuz it sucks.

kimmy159 · F

@twistedrope Thank you so much, you hit it right on the mark. I feel torn between my work and family. I can’t just get another job because the economy is bad and my boss has also given me a lot of freedom and trust, promoted me several times etc. If I’d leave for another company I’d have to start down the buttom again and regain that freedom by working hard in the beginning too.
My colleague is actually the best thing that happened to me professionally lol, he’s great and learning well, but I get that he can’t take over yet for a month. I’m active in international finance-hr and he has been in training for only a year. Picked up a lot from me because I show him every thing. I don’t believe in protecting my own knowledge towards others. It’s quite obvious I’m not that replacable even after a year hehe.
Our family looks after our son maybe once a month but then it’s because I have to work or have an event to go to. It’s not so I can have some rest. I already really appreciate that and all of our parents still work so I get that they need rest too.
The area I live in is pretty rural so we also don’t have many babysit options 🥲 or like quality ones 🙈 but I am scouting for a good babysit 😁 hopefully find one soon so they can help take some pressure off.
Thanks for the support ~