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What makes you push people away? Do you know?

I can't speak for everyone but if I commit to something then I know I can't half-ass it. I want to give my best.
Most times I get afraid that I don't have enough to offer, that I'M not enough. Or that people will just get tired of me eventually.

I tend to push myself away & push others away when I feel that way. I just close the door & move keep moving. Sometimes I find an excuse & sometimes I don't say anything.

I'm not feeling that way right now.. I've just been thinking about it lately & I'm noticing things about myself that I never thought of before. I didn't really realize why I was like that but it's making more sense now.

I think I've always heavily protected my feelings & wouldn't allow anybody to hurt me.
& If they did I wouldn't show them that they hurt me. It's something I learned at a young age. It's like a survival instinct. You don't want the person who is hurting you or making you feel afraid, to know that you're hurt.. so you close yourself off altogether. It's defense mode.

Random but just felt like sharing that thought. I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels the same as I do but I know most people have different reasons for doing the same thing. I'm barely learning mine, do you know yours?

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TheRascallyOne · 31-35, M Best Comment

When I was in high school I was an offensive lineman so I learned how to push people away real good

ChiefWalksWith40oz · 26-30

@TheRascallyOne haha this might be my favorite comment 😂

TheRascallyOne · 31-35, M

@ChiefWalksWith40oz Thank you Thank you 🐰

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ChiefWalksWith40oz · 26-30

@nightjourney well part of that might've been your instincts too. Sometimes your brain spots something wrong before we even acknowledge it ourselves. But I hope you start to feel more comfortable with the right person eventually 🥺 don't let your self doubt & insecurities keep being the thing that holds you back

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DeluxedEdition · 26-30, F

I think my mental health. I push people away when I am in a low or moody while pretending to be okay. Which is why it’s so confusing to others because they assume I’m okay because that’s the best face I’m putting forward

ChiefWalksWith40oz · 26-30

@DeluxedEdition that can be a struggle though. Because then it would start to feel like nobodys there for you when in reality you're just not letting them because you aren't showing that anything's wrong. I have that issue too.

DeluxedEdition · 26-30, F

@ChiefWalksWith40oz no cap whatsoever that is a huge Fucking struggle of mine.

I don’t trust people at all.

ChiefWalksWith40oz · 26-30

@DeluxedEdition it's hard to when you're not really used to it. Sometimes you gotta ask yourself why you feel that way & the answer doesn't always come right away

SatanBurger · 36-40, F

Well I have anxieties about people in general for multiple reasons. Probably shouldn't take up the whole forum page but one thing is that I don't tend to push people away but sometimes that happens anyways. For me I always get pressure to entertain people even though I'm not "outgoing" but I still get the feeling nonetheless, I don't like that pressure so I avoid.

I also don't like group dynamics as a whole, too much to get into there but there's certain things I like about groups but more detestable things outweigh the good I think.

ChiefWalksWith40oz · 26-30

@SatanBurger makes sense. There's a few other comments who mentioned being introverts as well & pushing people away because of that. I don't think there's anything wrong with that though 👌👌

SatanBurger · 36-40, F

@ChiefWalksWith40oz 🤗🤗

Nutshell29 · 26-30, F

I feel like I'm not enough either. Like I guess it's because I keep a wall up incase people hurt me. I know not everyone is the same and won't but eventually people leave my life. I don't beg for people to stay in my life. I do fight for the ones I love but often I don't force them to stay.

ChiefWalksWith40oz · 26-30

@Nutshell29 yeah that's how I feel really. Everybody leaves eventually & I made my peace with that a while back. Now I'm kinda realizing that being okay with it is kinda sad.. you gotta fight for shit y'know 🤷

Nutshell29 · 26-30, F

@ChiefWalksWith40oz I mean if the person is worth fighting for sure I'll put up a fight but if they don't make an effort to stay then I'm not going force them to

Wallflow3r · 26-30, F

I used to do that in the past because I was seeking validation and attention. I now realize it's very unattractive and actually makes people not want to be around me so now I have completely stopped the self pity. Instead I just feel grateful and appreciative that someone takes the time to even talk to me or show care towards me.

ChiefWalksWith40oz · 26-30

@Wallflow3r that's a good change to make. I'm glad you're able to reflect like that & better yourself. You definitely deserve attention & validation regardless but I'm glad you've learned to appreciate instead of push

CrazyMusicLover · 31-35

I only push away people who are obnoxious and don't take no for an answer. The rest usually just leave because I don't have much to offer and I'm pretty passive. I almost never initiate any meeting or fun activity because I never liked the position of an organizer and when people wait for me to entertain them.

ChiefWalksWith40oz · 26-30

@CrazyMusicLover hm.. interesting 👌 so people probably feel like you're not very connected so they disconnect in return 🤔 I mean there's nothing wrong with that if that's what you prefer though

Starcrossed · 41-45, F

[quote]It's like a survival instinct.[/quote]
... because it [i]is[/i] a survival instinct- fight, flight, freeze or fawn; shutting people out falls in there somewhere depending on the context of how/why you shut someone out.
You default to these modes because of trauma that hasn't been properly released.

ChiefWalksWith40oz · 26-30

@Starcrossed yeah I do think a lot of it has to do with trauma. I've been thinking about my upbringing & everything along with this, wondering what led me to be that way. I think trauma plays a major role in never feeling like I'm good enough or hiding my pain

SW-User

[quote] I don't have enough to offer, that I'M not enough[/quote]
That. That is the reason i push people away who are getting too close to me.

I am glad you are not feeling that way now though. Cheers

View 1 more replies »

SW-User

@ChiefWalksWith40oz You know what would help us both with this struggle? Some beers. Like fr. Ngl i need one now, istg

ChiefWalksWith40oz · 26-30

@SW-User haha I could enjoy a beer rn 😅 I'm out rn though. Idk if I feel like going to the store. You alright though man? Been stressin'?

SW-User

@ChiefWalksWith40oz A bit. Kinda a bit stressed yeah. All good man. Be safe outside!

CestManan · 46-50, F

I push people away because too many of them are a bunch of boring useless stupid pricks.
The only time they are nice is when they want something.

ChiefWalksWith40oz · 26-30

@CestManan I hate people like that 😬

faithfulhusband · C

i don’t push ppl away per se, but they drift away on their own because of my cold personality

ChiefWalksWith40oz · 26-30

@faithfulhusband cold? I don't know much about you but you seem chill. Is it possible that maybe you just [i]appear[/i] cold to them? Like, do you think that you are?

faithfulhusband · C

@ChiefWalksWith40oz yeah i probably appear so. i usually treat ppl how i wanna be treated, which is with a lot of space. im totally fine not talking to someone for months even years without my feelings towards them change but i know most ppl aren’t wired that way

ChiefWalksWith40oz · 26-30

@faithfulhusband yeah I know what you mean. I could go a while without talking to someone & still be the same as if we just talked yesterday 🤷 but everyone's different. I try to match everyone's energy but keeping up at all times is exhausting 😂

Unless it's like a crush or someone I'm with, then I wanna talk to them every day 🥺 if they start talking to me less then I talk to them less too & it just dies out

DearAmbellina2113 · 41-45, F

Same as what you said. I always believe that they deserve better than me, so I distance myself.

ChiefWalksWith40oz · 26-30

@DearAmbellina2113 yeah, I've seen so many of your posts where you're putting yourself down or questioning why your bf likes you. It seems you're a lot harder on yourself than I am. I never admit that I feel that way though & I notice you're very vocal about it. Do you think that works out for you better than not saying anything?

DearAmbellina2113 · 41-45, F

@ChiefWalksWith40oz I don't really think about "how it works out", I'm just pretty open and honest about myself...and that's what it comes out as.

SW-User

bc i create an ideal in my head and lose interest when i get to know them

ChiefWalksWith40oz · 26-30

@SW-User that's interesting, I believe I've done that before on small levels. Like saw somebody, started getting a little crush then later you're like "woah you're a terrible person 😮"

SW-User

@ChiefWalksWith40oz exactly but i think it depends on your personality type bc im too introverted so i get annoyed if anyone has an overpowering presence in my life as nothing can match up to time spent with yourself

ChiefWalksWith40oz · 26-30

@SW-User that's understandable. I can be either way so I go based on whoever I'm around usually. But time with yourself is very valuable 🙏

AlyAngel · F

When im hurt or triggered i push people away. Mainly because i get into self destructive and i dont wanna hurt others

ChiefWalksWith40oz · 26-30

@AlyAngel I get that. My version of self destruction is wrecking everything in my life.

It sounds like you're version is more like, isolating yourself & keeping all your hurt & negativity to yourself... That sounds really hurtful as well 🥺 it comes from a good heart but you're breaking your own

suzette · 46-50, F

This ingrained feeling that it's not going to get anywhere, they'll leave so I'll make them want to leave.

ChiefWalksWith40oz · 26-30

@suzette yeah, a lot of that has to do with mine too. I feel you 🥺

suzette · 46-50, F

@ChiefWalksWith40oz Oh good, glad it made sense. lol

Reject · 26-30, M

I push people away for their sake. Anyone who’s gotten to know me got hurt and I don’t want to hurt anymore people.

TeamSkullGrunt · F

I only detach from people once I notice racist/sexist/other intolerant behaviors

ChiefWalksWith40oz · 26-30

@TeamSkullGrunt that's perfectly acceptable reasons to detach though 👌

Iwillwait · M

I understand, and agree with the survival technique.

leeloh · F

You are stealing from my subconscious, or what

ChiefWalksWith40oz · 26-30

@leeloh oh for sure.. I get all my ideas by invading people's thoughts 😅

Teggy

Respect for this

ChiefWalksWith40oz · 26-30

@Teggy thanks man ✊

travelguy01 · 41-45, M

If their sweat smells like garlic then I be a pushin away!

V00doo

Im incredibly introvert. I get tired playing up to what people expect me to be like. My friendship group is old and small because they know that even if Im sat there all quiet, Im ok.

ChiefWalksWith40oz · 26-30

@V00doo I don't understand why people meet you then expect you to fit a certain ideal they have of you. It's crazy. Personally I'm not a fan of expectations in general.

Bang5luts · M

Bad breath, or if they're Gassy. Js 🤷🏻‍♂️

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