I am a New Member at Similar Worlds

Typing this out is a struggle... I'm constantly worried about what people would think... its the reason why I avoid using any type of social media platform... that people would constantly judge me... its the same for me in the real world... there's a lot of pretending involved... its not like I'm trying not to be myself, when I can I do... but it depends on the person that's talking to me... if that person wanted to hear an honest opinion, I'd give it to them... if there were signs that the person already made up their mind about me or already have in mind what response they would like to hear... i just play along and let them hear want they want to hear... I pretend to be social, on the outside that what it looks like... but I don't do groups... i sit with "everyone".... but within limited amount of time... long enough to be friendly... but short enough to avoid dramas... its the same even with family members... when i got a job offer at the city, my sister was already working and living there with her daughter... she was struggling as is... being a single mom... she asked for my help... so I did... mind you I never gotten along with my sister... but I care for her and her daughter... so I lived with them in the same apartment... the deal was I would pay for the whole rent, food, bills and furnishing. She would only have to focus on her daughters' education. But because I never got along with her... I used to avoid her at all cost, I would stay at work longer and sleep in really early when I got back... Literally go back home, eat dinner, sleep and its the next day... all that to avoid any sort of conflict with her... (it always gets ugly)... I lived like that for a couple of years... I told her whatever she wanted she can ask for it and I'd buy it... but because of that I never managed to save up anything for myself... to me... subconsciously, I was paying her to leave me emotional alone... later on... I got a proposed to... I didn't want to leave her like that... I know she'd tell me that I abandoned her... so I managed to get to recommend her a job at the company I worked with, they had better benefits than her previous employer... I didn't leave straight away... I stayed long enough to over see her if she's doing alright... I got married and decided to leave my job after a couple of years... I would say my biggest strength and weakness is I care way too much... whether its people that were good and bad to me... my mentally was always everything matters, I always leave myself for the last...

Enough of that for now... what I could tell you about myself is currently, I'm stay at home wife, who's going to be a mom... I'm here to build some confidence in myself and make friends along the way...