Worst experience in love?

Staying loyal to a guy i was seeing for over a year while clinging onto hope that he would get serious about me and a real relationship would bloom. As much as it was obvious that i was just a booty call i still clung onto hope. He was so hot and cold towards me which confused me a lot. In the beginning we went out places and it was like he wanted to get to know me then we quit going places and eventually it just became hooking up and watching tv in silence in his room while he scrolled on his phone but i stupidly clung to hope.

I ended up ghosting him and fading out of his life slowly because after awhile everytime i saw him more of me died inside. I used to jump at the opportunity to see him and would look forward to it but then i started making excuses and saw the visits as a chore. I felt used but somewhere deep down he loved me? No i was just a idiot that got used