What should I talk about when I reconnect with someone?

Find something engaging, something that deeply sparks your interest: anything; a book, a new hobby such as wood or metal work,start learning a musical instrument or take singing lessons, join a wilderness hiking group, or kayaking or cycling, join a volunteer cause such as a soup kitchen, pet shelter, wildlife rescue or landcare group, or even join the local group for your kind of politics - all these make for something to chat about.

If something comes up in the environment around you, start a chat about that: the waiter made an interesting joke, those two cars just had a near miss, someone passes by wearing a weird outfit, etc. Let the conversation meander where ever it will.

Keep an interest in the news and current affairs; try to find the most reliable media by checking out where they source their info. Chatting about these topics helps to discover the other person's values.

Ask the other about themselves. Most people love this because it's so rare that someone shows real interest. And it always is interesting to hear how different and amazing people are. And its a way to discover what you might share in common. People who've done therapy tend to be a lot more open.

Some people hate and resist it. The most common reasons for resistance are: they were raised to be private as a matter of "manners"; they don't trust others; or they feel shame due to low self-regard. Irrespective of their reasons, best to let the topic drop, treat it as a boundary and find another topic.

If they seem not to mind talking about deeper things, don't be afraid to share about the troubles you've been having. Keep it real but succinct. They can always ask more if they want to go deeper.