Tomorrow I have an up close and personal date that involves someone having their face in my punani.

My gosh, it’s been so long since I’ve spread my legs for such an invitation. A year to be exact.

My yearly gyno exam is tomorrow.

Naturally, I gotta get all dolled up since it’s the closest thing I have to an actual date these days. I honestly didn’t bank on buying myself a new pair of shoes to show up in, but I found myself drawn to a dark green pair that I felt was perfect for fall.


The thing is I already have a pair of olive green chucks that I love, even though they don’t have the chunky sole that I now gravitate towards.

But then I saw flowers. So. Many. Flowers.



They were seriously pushing my boundaries of being a girly girl, but my gawd, did I adore them. They’re the furthest thing from fall…they scream spring…but I didn’t care.

I went to take a picture of them perched on my knee while I was standing, and ended up wobbling a bit. I hadn’t eaten anything all day and was running on iced coffee (a very bad habit) and laughed at how bad that could’ve been.

I tried it again because I was that committed to capturing how flippin’ cute they were and didn’t wobble. But instead my ankle full on rolled and I toppled over like a cartoon character getting knocked of out frame 😂. It happened so quick, but I felt like I was falling forever. I landed on my elbow and two fingers (somehow), and instantly felt my anxiety spike from the adrenaline rush. I checked real quick to make sure no one saw, and got up like nothing happened because that’s what badasses do.

Then I sat my dumbass down to take the shot I wanted…


…bought the shoes because fuck yes, I’m gonna buy them after that ordeal, and stopped by Zaxby’s for some overpriced protein-packed chicken strips and saltier than the ocean crinkle fries because apparently my body and brain gets undoubtedly stupid when it’s deprived of the fuel needed for me to be the bestest purdy flamingo I can be 🥺🙄