I Like To Make Other People Laugh [I Like to Laugh]

Some actual announcements taken from church bulletins and newsletters:

Say “hell” to someone who doesn’t like you.

Thursday night – Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

O come all ye faithful, sin in exultation.

After today’s service, coffee and donuts will be served in the basement. Please come down and say hell to the pastor.

Don’t let worry kill you – let the church help.

For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

Children will be led in sinning and Bible study.

This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

There will be a baked bean supper next Sunday at 6:00 PM. Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Life groups meet on Wednesday evening at 7:00 PM for food, fun, and fellowwhipping.

"Marriage: An Institution To Be Endured.” – The subject of a sermon that should have read, “An Institution to Endure.”

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don’t forget your husbands.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

Miss Charlene Mason sang “I Will Not Pass This Way Again,” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

The Rector will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing: “Break Forth Into Joy.”

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment, and gracious hostility.

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

A songfest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Tuesday at 4 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital for testes.

Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who are preparing for the girth of their first child.

The Lutheran Men’s group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.

The Associate Pastor unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: “I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.”

Our next song is “Angels We Have Heard Get High.”

The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

Wednesday, the Ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing “Put Me In My Little Bed” accompanied by the pastor.

Thursday at 5 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the minister in his private study.

The Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.


A humorous moment during Mass:

A preacher was completing a temperance sermon. With great expression, he said, “If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and throw it in the river.” With even greater emphasis, he said, “And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d take it and throw it in the river.” And then, finally, he said, “And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I’d take it and throw it in the river.” He sat down.

The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced, with a pleasant smile, “For our closing song, let us sing Hymn 365: ‘Shall We Gather At the River.’”

I also liked this marquee: