One day you’re young and thriving, getting dressed at 8:41pm for a night out that you’re thankful existed before social media did.

And then you’re in your late 40’s, spending your Saturday night on the couch that now makes noise when you move, as you watch “Bring It On” and snack on peppermint bark telling yourself there’s no calories in it because it tastes like Santa’s magical dick.

Good. Times.