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A few zingers

Slower than a brain damaged lizard

Yo mama so dumb she took kindergarten ten times.

Yo mama's so ugly, mirrors scream when they walk by.

Yo Mama's so ugly, she can't even turn the oven on.

He's as smooth as sandpaper with the Ladies.

He's about as bright as a moonless midnight

Some people who put signs up have the brains of a road killed lizard, none at all

Reminds me of a silk rose, beautiful, but fake

 
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