I'm sad and sick. Please tell me a joke

I'm not good at jokes but I'll twerk for ya! Hope it makes you laugh;)

About Singer/Rapper Post Malone

Why is it so cheap to throw a party at a haunted house?

Because the ghosts bring all the boos.

CNN is fake news

I loaned a friend of mine 5000 dollars to get plastic surgery, he never paid me back and i can't get the money because i don't know what he looks like now

Q: How do you instantly turn a couch into a bed?

A: Tell your spouse to "Just Calm Down!"

Idk man this picture is always funny to me 😭

Watching your friend cry and don't know what to say. 😭

Cue @Bexsy

What did the triangle say to the circle?

The Captain of the Exxon Valdez said he wanted a Tanqueray (gin) on the rocks, not a tanker on the rocks.

Two peanut were walking down the street, one was a salted.

A man walks into a bar...OUCH