Why coffee is better than sex

You can have it in public... and no one calls the cops.

You can finish in 2 minutes and nobody complains.

You can enjoy it alone guilt-free.

No awkward small talk afterwards.

It doesn’t judge your morning breath.

You don’t need to fake anything, it always delivers.

Comes in different flavors and sizes. All satisfying.

If you spill it, nobody cries (unless it's your last cup).

You can have it with your boss and not get fired.

It doesn't leave you with a "what did I just do?" feeling.

No one expects you to cuddle with your espresso machine.

You can have it multiple times a day without raising eyebrows.

Even bad coffee is still... coffee.

It never says, “Not tonight, I have a headache.”

You can take it to bed… and it won’t hog the blankets.