Nursery Rhymes Updated for the 21st Century

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
The structure of the wall was incorrect,
So he won ten grand with Claims Direct.


It's raining, it's pouring
Of course...it's global warming.


Jack and Jill went into town
To fetch some chips and sweeties.
Now, he can't keep his heart rate down
And she's got diabetes.


Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its arse
And turned its wool to nylon.


Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play
He kissed them too, cause he was gay.