Title too short and all that....😂🤣The Jokes thread(Collections)

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Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar? They each got six months.
I'm terrified of elevators so I'm going to start taking steps to avoid them.
Have you heard of the band 923 Megabytes? Probably not, they haven't had a gig yet.

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TheSirfurryanimalWales · 61-69, M

A guy in Moscow every day goes to a news stand and buys a newspaper. Right at the news stand, he unfolds the paper, looks at the front page, and then tosses the paper, otherwise unread, in the trash and leaves. One day the guy who runs the news stand asks him,
"I see you only read the front page. What are you looking for?"
"An obituary."
"But obituaries aren't on the front page."
"Oh, this one will be."
....
Vladimir Putin passes through customs at an airport;
Customs Official: Name?
Putin: Vladimir Putin
Customs Official: Occupation?
Putin: No, just visiting.