I'm done. I want to kms. It's increasingly apparent that I'm a misfit. A mistake.

A colleague asked me if I could cover them on a certain day at the end of this month. I let her know that I would need a few days to confirm. On asking why, I told her about my cousins' probable flight, the date of which was not confirmed yet. She said "why haven't you asked yet then?" and I told her "my mother is in contact with them. I'll let you know when it's confirmed". To which she said "they're your cousins and you don't talk to them? How is that possible?" she seemed pretty shocked. My heart sank and I felt like crying. I feel so alone in my dysfunctionality. It's just not fair. I have done so much and struggled so much and overcome so much, only to still be shy of normalcy. It's getting increasingly frustrating. People around me are always talking about their children and spouses and it makes me feel even stranger. They have found love and started families. They're all so excited. And I'm just here trying to survive. It's not fair.