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I'm done. I want to kms. It's increasingly apparent that I'm a misfit. A mistake.

A colleague asked me if I could cover them on a certain day at the end of this month. I let her know that I would need a few days to confirm. On asking why, I told her about my cousins' probable flight, the date of which was not confirmed yet. She said "why haven't you asked yet then?" and I told her "my mother is in contact with them. I'll let you know when it's confirmed". To which she said "they're your cousins and you don't talk to them? How is that possible?" she seemed pretty shocked. My heart sank and I felt like crying. I feel so alone in my dysfunctionality. It's just not fair. I have done so much and struggled so much and overcome so much, only to still be shy of normalcy. It's getting increasingly frustrating. People around me are always talking about their children and spouses and it makes me feel even stranger. They have found love and started families. They're all so excited. And I'm just here trying to survive. It's not fair.
hartfire Best Comment
That woman was actually quite toxic when she acted as though shocked - although maybe she came from a community of Italians, Greeks, Muslims or some other culture that normally has tightly knit clans of relatives.
It's not at all unusual in the West for families to be nuclear units and not be in touch with their extended networks of relatives. If there is someone who tries to keep in touch, it's more likely to be a mother or grandmother.

I think your colleague was miffed at not getting her way and her real motive was push or shame you into doing something you weren't ready to commit to.
And I say "good on you" for sticking to your stand; that's having good boundaries. It's definitely not dysfunctional.

Being "normal" is a myth.
Norms are almost abstract - whatever clusters most at the centre of a bell curve in statistics. Most people who are average in a few traits are excellent or poor in lots of others; no two are the same.

Fitting in is partly a matter of skills:
good active listening,
curiosity about others - balanced by noticing & respecting their boundaries,
the art of asking questions that people enjoy answering,
keeping your own answers and comments short - 25 to 150 words max,
willingness to share opinions and not take offence if others disagree,
knowing what others say about you reflects more about them than you.

These skills are learnable. It's easy to look them up online.
One good starting place is blogs by experts on almost any topic you like in
Psychology Today.

It's okay to be one's authentic self.
Actually it's preferable.
People sense it and like that feeling of being around someone who really is just as they appear.

As for finding a life partner and starting a family, age 26-30 is not a bad time to start. You're still young enough to have your first baby without too much difficulty and your genes are still fresh enough that the risks of physical abnormalities are still very low.

The fact that the others around you settled down early is no proof that they are more functional.
According to the national stats in every Western country, 2/3s of those couples will be divorced before they're 40. Of those who remarry, 9 out of 10 will divorce again.
But then divorce is not necessarily a sign of failure either. Depending on the nature of the relationship, it can be the most sensible thing a couple can do.

In general, people who marry a little older are a bit more mature, a bit better off materially, and more likely to make better partner choices, i.e. someone with similar values, lifestyle preferences and goals - not just someone they fall madly in love with.
@assemblingaknob Thanks for the Best Pick! :)

AuRevoir · 36-40, M
Trust me it's more natural than you think... I barely speak to my cousins... And we used to be incredibly close growing up...

People just end up having their own lives... And even though I wish I could have that kind of bond again sometimes it's not possible...

The smartest thing you can do is focus on your own life and find what you want from it... Like you I feel that "kms" feeling... but I can't do it anymore like i used to.. I'm hoping I can just disappear sooner rather than later.. I'm not sure what the right answer is but if you can focus on yourself rather than others I think you will be happier in the long run than if you hadn't...
First, that colleague was way too pushy. It's perfectly reasonable to reply that you can't confirm for a few days, and the reason is none of her business.

Secondly, the matter of your cousins is obviously a sensitive matter for you. Or maybe it's your whole family, I don't know. But whatever the details, millions of people have problematic family relationships and it's not a reflection on you.
Teirdalin · 31-35
I haven't talked to my cousins in like over a year.
I'll make you a proud wife and mother of 12

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