4th day... but here is the relapse.

I feel awful today. (And all my toxic thoughts are rushing to my mind like a flood)

I left work later than other workers... and I am still finishing at home.
What is wrong with me?
I tried everything.
New methods of organizing.

My friend at work tells me I give more efforts than them and work harder that's why I stay late. I can hardly believe her and I keep blaming myself.

I have no idea what to think of me...

I might have become slower at work because depression and anxiety are catching up to me due to the switch of cycles in my bp2... but not that much !

I don't know what to think anymore. Now I have constructed this idea in my head that I've become slow and I'm afraid if I keep thinking about it too much I might get worse.

People are dealing with worse and here I am getting myself worked up like this for this. Damn.

Ps: be kind in your response if you are willing to respond, I know this all seems like exageration but it is really getting to me.

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Oneofthestormboys · 56-60, M

I’ve been in your situation, but thankfully left that toxic job.
I did exactly the same as you - worked like crazy during the day, then carried on after I’d got home.
In the end, it became obvious to me that the amount of work I was expected to do exceeded my ability to do it, and that I was doing tasks that my seniors should have been doing, but were too lazy to do it.
They then tried using COVID to increase my hours and decrease my pay package, so I went to a solicitor (lawyer) and called their bluff. My solicitor threatened them with legal action, and I left with them settling out of court.
My advice? Get out of there. They don’t care about you and never will, and when it suits them they’ll try anything to move you on somehow. This is life sadly - you absolutely have to look after yourself, because very few other people will.
Just my experience.

Friendlyperson · 26-30, F

@Oneofthestormboys Thank you so much for sharing your experience. It is very nice of you. 🙏🏼 the thing with my job is that I am a resident and I've got only 2 more years to finish the specialty and become an attending. So if I drop from work now I'll be giving up the past two years and the specialty in general. It is a very good one, but the circumstances I'm working in are a catastrophe.

Oneofthestormboys · 56-60, M

@Friendlyperson Hang in there then poppet. It’ll all work out for you in the end. Hard working people generally do ok in life, despite the attempts of others to derail you.
Best of luck 🍀