How to make friends as an adult?

To be honest I struggle with making new friends. It’s not that I’m not friendly and approachable. I have to socialize all day for my job. So I feel to tired to do it after work. I have to approach people, ask them deep questions to best be able to help them. So I have to be an extrovert.

But when it comes to not being at work I resort back to my normal nature of being an introvert. Where I don’t want to approach people. When someone from work invites me out I rarely want to go. And yet I sit here wishing I had more friends.

I guess I am just looking for my people. The ones where it feels natural and not a forced effort. So many people are fake now a days. I can’t be bothered pretending to like someone because I have no one. I rather be alone.

As an adult how do you make new friends? Do you find it as difficult as me?

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iamnikki · 31-35, F

I am certainly finding it just as difficult. I've posted about it before.
Try a club, class, exercise class, hobby that meets weekly or something. You can try meetup, though I haven't had much success with it.

PhoenixPhail · M

@iamnikki I haven't had success with Meetup, at all.

iamnikki · 31-35, F

@PhoenixPhail I went way out of my comfort zone in 2019 and started a group, that way I could tailor it to MY interests. I had 3 regulars, and since I was paying for it, I suggested we swap numbers and keep hanging out.
That worked for a couple months, then covid shutdowns happened.
Nothing to sustain new "friendship" during a lockdown so that went away.

I've read and watched videos that say nowadays, we lack a 3rd place...work is 1st, home is 2nd. We don't really have anywhere else to just hang out, somewhere that isn't expensive.

One video, the guy showed, I forgot what country, but he said everyday after work and school, most people there gather at this outdoor area, the kids play and the adults chat.
It was cool because prior to him saying that, it looked like some sort of event, but for them, that's everyday life. They have their 3rd place.
Sorry for the novel.

DayDreamer3 · 36-40, F

@iamnikki I was looking into meetup too. I haven’t tried it yet. That’s very true we need an easy comfortable place to meet others.

PhoenixPhail · M

@iamnikki Please don't apologize for the length of your response. I LOVE this kind of chat. I would like to have more of it.

During Covid, it seems you might have been able to stay in touch with your groupies through conference calls, either through the phone or Zoom, or some other platform. I know it's not the same as being with people in person. And I know how the closeness tends to fall away.

iamnikki · 31-35, F

@DayDreamer3 I think it's worth a shot, I see groups that are in other states or far away cities and think "I'd join that group".

iamnikki · 31-35, F

@PhoenixPhail I don't think that would have worked but all I can do is try some of my own advice. I was looking into an exercise class the other day.