I’m struggling

I have a friend whom the family does not like to have hang around because he shows up when my family is in town and right before dinner time. It’s odd. I agree. He’s also a little special. As in how does he not understand that he’s not invited to dinner?

I’m usually loyal to people who love me. He knows this. But it makes my family feel awkward. I’m not sure what to do. I feel stupid. I care for him but my sister does not. Which is ironic. She calls him an opportunistic person. Ultimately, I believe he just want fee as if he is part of a family. Truly I’m torn because Christmas is about welcoming those who have no where to go metaphorically speaking.

If you are a compassionate soul, please help me.

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lovelywarpedlemon

trust your family. i say this because of this: [quote]I’m usually loyal to people who love me. He knows this. But it makes my family feel awkward.[/quote] Sometimes we overlook things bc we want to feel good. but only you know how u truly feel. it could be that he is just lonely & has nowhere else to go...

you owe him nothing. if u make some boundaries & he lashes out at you. then you'll know if he's really around for you, & spending time with ur family, or just your food.

Mindful · 56-60, F

Thanks@lovelywarpedlemon

lovelywarpedlemon

@Mindful wish u luck happy new year

Mindful · 56-60, F

@lovelywarpedlemon my sister did point something out, except that she’s wrong because he’s a giver not a taker. I truly believe he is 1) in love with my family because my grandmother and dad were like a family to him but my father is gone now

StormInaTeacup

Does he do this every time? Our family often see the things we can't. Even when we think we know our friends motives. It can be hard for us to know which way we should go. I wonder if your kindness is being used against you by him.

Mindful · 56-60, F

Only on major holidays and he only wants to leave gifts and say hello. I feel that my sister is the one who can’t comprehend my compassion because it doesn’t fit her idea of charity. I feel she doesn’t understand true meaning of compassion unless it’s defined by society or a church planned activity? @StormInaTeacup

StormInaTeacup

@Mindful then if thats what you feel, be true to yourself 😊

Notladylike

If you can afford to feed him then why not? I see nothing wrong with picking up a stray. It’s sounds like he might be a bit lonely? Does he ever contribute or bring things around? Perhaps you could give him a little task like making a side dish one day?

Mindful · 56-60, F

@Notladylike thats a great thought

RubySoo · 56-60, F

I would feel like you do. But to others it would no doubt look like hes turning up at times when he may get something out of it!

Mindful · 56-60, F

@RubySoo and in my mind, what wrong with giving a little?

RubySoo · 56-60, F

@Mindful i understand. But they will see it that he is taking advantage of your kindness and good nature. Ive been there so many times and had others say....he/shes taking advantage, using you and i couldnt see it that way.
But....in hindsight....they were often right.

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