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I have a terminally ill friend whom I care for and miss...but when he came over briefly today I didn't want to touch him. Is that a bad thing?

He is insane, IMO, to be out and about with his immune system destroyed by chemo and radiation. He is so ill his doctor won't do any further chemo or radiation, which means he may not last very much longer. He was supposed to have at least another year after his diagnosis last August...but that is only if they are able to treat the cancer.

He doesn't even know for sure, he said, whether or not he is still contagious with the C. Difficile bacteria he caught while living in the rehab facility. If he is contagious, he just touched all the door handles and buttons on his way in here, and handed me a bag he has also touched.

Tomorrow he is going to Boston, by himself for a needle aspiration to remove fluid from around his lungs, and thinks he is going to be able to take The Ride and then drive home by himself from the VA hospital in a truck that needs a lot of work. I told him he HAS to call me so I can come and get him and drive him home if he can't handle it.

I have washed my hands about a million times since he left. JK. I just don't want C.Difficile.

He just gave me some very generous gifts. He handed me about $900 worth of lidocaine patches he says he will not use, and a hundred dollar gift card for groceries as a Valentine's Day gift. He is always generous with food, and re-gifting things he will not use...but today made me realize that he is...cashing out.

When he left, he took out my trash. He is still trying to take care of me. Anyway...trying not to cry. Nothing easy about a friend dying.
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curiosi · 61-69, F
So sorry about your friend. You have done more for him than you realize. It's very common to be abandoned by everyone when one is stricken with illness. You have stuck by him and shown him love. We all die and unfortunately some too soon. Take solace in the fact that he knows you cared for him.
As far as him touching the door handles etc. Imagine all the things we touch in our daily lives and we have no idea what those before us were carrying. Yet we manage to stay relatively healthy.
4meAndyou · F
@curiosi I just hope none of the frail or elderly people who live in this building touch the elevator buttons or the door handles. C. Difficile actually killed a friend of mine once, right after I moved in here. It can develop into a superbug.

I don't think I COULD abandon him...not when he needs someone that cares about him. He is losing his mind to anger, I think. He accuses his family of not being there for him, and even said that they don't care anything about him, that they are just lining up for his money like vultures...and that is just not true...not even a little bit true. His sisters have been there for him, visiting, bringing him things, giving him rides...they have all given him rides, even Ed. Anyway...he is as grumpy as hell, three times angry, and is losing it...and he really NEEDS his family. I really hope he doesn't alienate them.
curiosi · 61-69, F
@4meAndyou There is a pain that unless experienced we don't understand, that runs so deep it can't be described. His reaction is normal, most don't stay there.
4meAndyou · F
@curiosi Thank you for your kind and hopeful words. I hope he turns to God.