so how do people actually meet and make friends these days?

i find it exhausting but i do try to meet people when i move to a new city. (i have moved lots of times.) i've joined meetups, taken hobby classes, language classes, volunteered, joined gyms, running or walking in parks, i walk a lot in my neighborhood wherever i live. i go to cafes and bookstores. i sit at the communal table when i'm at the airport. yesterday i want to a happy hour event in my neighborhood and it was the typical scene. a few people scattered through the room. the music too loud and everyone's faces buried into their phones.

how do people make friends these days? i mean lasting and meaningful friendships.

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JoeyFoxx · 56-60, M

My daughter (mid 20's) recently met a guy as part of an activity group to which they belong. It's a group made up of primarily middle-aged folks, so these two happened to be the youngest.

The group had an out of town event and my daughter and her now boyfriend were brought together by circumstance. While they are in the same group, they didn't really have an opportunity to interact much until this event happened. One of the keys though is that she had befriended a number of the older folks, as had he. Effectively, the older folks vouched for the younger ones.

I suspect we are going back a little in time where the best way to meet people is to try to establish yourself as part of a community, not just to meet a special friend, but just to meet friends. Most of what you described above seems like a series of one and done events.

If you like to volunteer, maybe join a group that volunteers regularly, like habitat for humanity?

You need to allow people the opportunity to get to know you.

blindbob · 41-45

@JoeyFoxx i'm not sure i understand, most of those things i mentioned are community-type of things (volunteering, taking hobby classes, language classes, meetups, being engaged in my neighborhood, gym, park)

JoeyFoxx · 56-60, M

@blindbob Do you interact with the same set of folks each time?

blindbob · 41-45

@JoeyFoxx often. but it seems like people have their set of friends and are not interested in having more.

JoeyFoxx · 56-60, M

@blindbob Sometimes, you just have to take a courage pill and ask to hang out with someone so you can get to know them.

blindbob · 41-45

@JoeyFoxx ever been stood up by a whole group of people? happened to me a few times.

blindbob · 41-45

@JoeyFoxx i invite people for stuff all the time. but it does get tiresome when you're the only one doing the inviting or when people don't show up or cancel at the last minute.

JoeyFoxx · 56-60, M

@blindbob Then... you need to try to find someone who is willing to be frank with you.

If different groups of people have left you hanging, then either you're trying too hard or there's something about your approach that makes people uncomfortable.

You need a life guide... someone who won't bullshit you... and you need to be open to changing how you approach other people.

blindbob · 41-45

@JoeyFoxx something's different these days. it wasn't like this before social media and cell phones really set in. my college and grad school days were way different. we took care of each other and looked out for each other. if a friend seemed down you checked on them. if they had too much to drink while you were out, you kept an eye on them and then made sure they got home. you made phone calls to friends who moved away and visited them from time to time. you could have fun just sitting around. you actually talked. the problem with me is i haven't figured out how to keep up with the new ways.

JoeyFoxx · 56-60, M

@blindbob Where did you go to school and where do you live now?

For example, growing up in the South and then moving to the Pacific Northwest can result in a hell of a culture shock.

I agree that social media and devices have changed a lot of that. But, my daughter and her boyfriend use those devices to stay connected when they can't be physically together.

We can't just blame external forces. We need to adapt.

blindbob · 41-45

@JoeyFoxx i've lived all over. this is something i've noticed over the last 10 years. i've just noticed that even old friends would much rather make up a post about problem whereas they used to pick up the phone and call a friend or answer a phone call. they would rather text than send an email. they would rather post pics of a vacation than plan a vacation with friends. and friends in relationships tend to stick to their partners and push others out, whereas we used to have a thriving coed group of friends with some longterm couples and some singles.

JoeyFoxx · 56-60, M

@blindbob Be the change you want to see in the world.

Aren't you doing the same thing by asking for advice from complete strangers?

blindbob · 41-45

@JoeyFoxx i'm doing it here because i haven't got any other options.

JoeyFoxx · 56-60, M

@blindbob 🤔